Today we’ll take a look at arguably the world’s most heinous serial killing pedophile, Albert Fish.
PLUS - We answer your Mail Call questions, give an update on “Rex Heuermann – Architect” and Garrett tells us that the fastest way to go to jail in Florida is to crash your car through its front door. Also, stayed tuned after the main story for another installment of Dear Douchebags!!
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Speaker 1: Today we'll take a look at arguably the world's
00:00:02
most heinous serial killer, pedophile, albert Fish.
00:00:04
Plus, we answer your mail, call questions, give an update on
00:00:08
Rex Huriman, architect, and Garrett tells us the fastest way
00:00:11
to go to jail in Florida is to crash your car through its front
00:00:14
door.
00:00:14
Also, stay tuned after the main story, for another installment
00:00:18
of Dear Douchebags.
00:00:19
Oh, we're back, baby.
00:00:20
Yes, sir, I'm Dave Jari, I'm Garrett Gorder and this is
00:00:31
Criminal as Fuck.
00:00:32
What's good.
00:00:35
All you criminals, debauched and true crime douchebags out
00:00:38
there.
00:00:39
And welcome to another episode of Criminal AF.
00:00:41
Once again, I am Dave Jari and with me, as always, is my
00:00:43
co-host, garrett Corder.
00:00:45
Speaker 2: How we doing.
00:00:48
Speaker 1: We'd like to give a huge Criminal AF shout-out to
00:00:50
the newest member of the debauched, brie Alpha.
00:00:51
Thank you so much, brie, and welcome to our fucked-up family.
00:00:54
We have some Rex Schumerin architect Rex Schumerin
00:00:58
architect.
00:00:59
Yeah, we got some updates, and this comes from the Associated
00:01:01
Press.
00:01:02
The New York architect accused of murdering multiple women and
00:01:05
leaving their corpses scattered along the Long Island coast kept
00:01:08
a blueprint of his crimes on his computer.
00:01:11
Speaker 2: Not well hidden.
00:01:14
Speaker 1: Yeah, and prosecutors revealed Thursday as they also
00:01:17
brought charges against Rex Harriman and two more killings.
00:01:20
Garrett, two more killings.
00:01:22
So.
00:01:23
Harriman, 60, appeared before a judge to be arraigned in the
00:01:25
deaths of Jessica Taylor and Sandra Castillo, two young women
00:01:30
who were long suspected of being the victims of men preying
00:01:33
on sex workers Right so he had previously been charged with the
00:01:36
murder of four other women in a string of deaths known as the
00:01:39
Gilgo Beach serial killings or LISC the Long.
00:01:42
Speaker 2: Island serial killer.
00:01:43
Speaker 1: So Taylor disappeared in 2003.
00:01:45
Castillo was killed 30 years ago, in 1993, and her inclusion
00:01:50
in the case indicates that prosecutors now believe that
00:01:52
Heuermann was killing women for much longer.
00:01:57
Speaker 2: That's not funny, was killing women much longer than
00:02:00
previous thoughts.
00:02:01
You're about to get canceled Trying to do a fucking news
00:02:04
update Right.
00:02:07
Speaker 1: So the new charges came after recent police
00:02:08
searches of Herman's Massapequa Park home in a wooded area of
00:02:13
Long Island.
00:02:13
Tied to the investigation Now in a court filing.
00:02:17
Prosecutors said that they were able to use new forensic
00:02:20
testing methods I wonder what that is To match hairs found on
00:02:24
or near the vicinity of both victims to DNA profile that is
00:02:28
likely matched to Harriman Harriman Architect Architect.
00:02:31
Additionally, this is going to go well.
00:02:34
Additionally, prosecutors say they recovered the file on a
00:02:38
hard drive in his basement used to methodically blueprint his
00:02:42
killings.
00:02:42
Yep, it's wild.
00:02:43
The document written in all caps that alone should tell you
00:02:47
that he's a fucking serial killer.
00:02:48
Speaker 2: The best part about this, too, is if you guys have a
00:02:51
chance to actually go look at the documents.
00:02:53
It's like a I don't know.
00:02:55
I'm younger, I'm in the younger generation.
00:02:57
So, I came from when they did like they taught Excel, word and
00:03:02
stuff in school.
00:03:03
Right, it looks like my fourth grade Excel class made a
00:03:07
spreadsheet, I don't know.
00:03:10
Go look at it.
00:03:10
It's so funny to me.
00:03:12
Oh my God.
00:03:13
He has like no clue, like it's just like, this is what you do,
00:03:16
this is what you do.
00:03:16
This is what you do.
00:03:17
It's just funny, it's very funny.
00:03:21
Speaker 1: All right.
00:03:21
So this document?
00:03:22
It features a series of checklists with tasks to
00:03:24
complete before, during and after the killings, as well as
00:03:28
practical lessons for you know the next time you kill somebody.
00:03:31
Among the dozens of entries written are reminders to clean
00:03:35
the bodies and destroy the evidence, and to get sleep
00:03:38
before the hunt.
00:03:38
Yes, Very important, Make sure you're well rested.
00:03:40
You've got to go through your killer checklist on Excel.
00:03:43
And make sure you quote unquote have your story set Now.
00:03:48
One section is titled Things to Remember and it appears to
00:03:51
highlight lessons from previous killings, such as using heavier
00:03:55
rope and limiting noise in order to maximize play time.
00:04:00
That's creepy, yeah.
00:04:02
A body prep checklist includes, among among other items, a note
00:04:07
to remove the head and hands which he didn't do to all his
00:04:11
victims.
00:04:12
No, no, not all of them.
00:04:14
Uh, prosecutors believe that the entry may connect hurman to
00:04:17
yet another victim, valerie mack , whose partial skeletal remains
00:04:21
were discovered near the body of Taylor after her
00:04:24
disappearance in 2000.
00:04:25
Heurman has not been charged in the death of Mac, but asked
00:04:29
during a news conference after Thursday's hearing if he was a
00:04:31
suspect, district Attorney Ray Tierney replied that's fair to
00:04:35
say.
00:04:36
Speaker 2: Yeah, aka yeah, we're on to you.
00:04:38
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, he's a fucking suspect.
00:04:40
So Tierney also acknowledged that the blueprint document
00:04:42
which Heurman had attempted to delete.
00:04:44
So Tierney also acknowledged that the blueprint document
00:04:46
which Humerman had attempted to delete was a significant impetus
00:04:48
for the renewed search along Long Island in recent weeks, as
00:04:53
it was recovered in March for more than 350 electronic devices
00:04:57
that were seized from his home.
00:04:58
Speaker 2: That's impressive.
00:04:59
350.
00:05:00
Yeah, I'm trying to think 350, that's a lot of electronic
00:05:03
devices.
00:05:04
Speaker 1: Well, he had all those burner phones, so there's
00:05:07
probably like 100 burner phones, at least I know.
00:05:12
Speaker 2: That's a crazy amount I'm trying to think of.
00:05:14
Actually, if they rated my house, how many devices would
00:05:16
they have?
00:05:16
It wouldn't even be close.
00:05:17
Speaker 1: No, and I know a lot.
00:05:18
Yeah, yeah, not fucking 350.
00:05:20
350.
00:05:22
Speaker 2: Anybody over 100 devices.
00:05:24
Speaker 1: I would say over 50.
00:05:25
Speaker 2: Something's up here.
00:05:26
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, it was him, his wife and what.
00:05:29
He had two kids.
00:05:30
Speaker 2: That doesn't matter.
00:05:30
I'm a family of four too.
00:05:32
Speaker 1: Do you have more than 50 devices?
00:05:34
Speaker 2: No, okay, I have less than 10.
00:05:36
Yeah, it's fucking wild.
00:05:37
350 is crazy.
00:05:38
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's fucking crazy.
00:05:39
So Heurman pleaded not guilty to killing Taylor and Castilla
00:05:43
during a hearing and was ordered held without bail.
00:05:46
Well, yeah, he ain't fucking going nowhere.
00:05:47
No, yeah, His lawyer, Michael Brown, said outside of court
00:05:51
that Heurman is obviously in a bad place in terms of these new
00:05:55
charges.
00:05:56
Speaker 2: Yo, all right, we're going back to last week's
00:05:58
episode Fuck defense attorneys.
00:06:02
Speaker 1: Wow, paula Flynn, you heard that hey he's in a bad
00:06:04
place right now.
00:06:05
Speaker 2: He's in a bad place.
00:06:06
Speaker 1: Shut up Afterward Tierney said that the additional
00:06:09
charges provide some small measure of closure for the
00:06:12
victim's families.
00:06:13
So yeah, there's that.
00:06:15
Speaker 2: He's going down regardless, yeah.
00:06:17
Speaker 1: It doesn't matter.
00:06:19
Speaker 2: He's not going to get all convictions, but he'll be
00:06:21
convicted for some.
00:06:21
Well, yeah.
00:06:24
Speaker 1: I think he'll at least be convicted on these six.
00:06:26
Yeah, at least.
00:06:27
Alright, before we jump into all the shenanigans today, we
00:06:30
just need to go over some things regarding criminal AAF.
00:06:32
We are a comedic and formative true crime podcast Garrett, and
00:06:37
you know it's kind of like an ish Heavy on the ish.
00:06:40
Heavy on the ish for sure, meaning we'll be talking about
00:06:43
some true crime, like our main story in Florida man, but we'll
00:06:45
also be talking about some things not related to true crime
00:06:47
, like mail call and whatever rabbit holes our ADHD brains
00:06:51
lead us to, yeah, which is, which is quite a bit, yeah, but
00:06:55
whatever we talk about, we'll be having some fun while we're
00:06:57
doing it.
00:06:57
Sometimes, you know, we find that certain aspects of these
00:07:00
stories are particularly funny and sometimes, you know, we just
00:07:03
like calling out a fuckhead for being a fuckhead.
00:07:05
Yes, sir, you know, if this is your first time joining us,
00:07:08
you're about to experience two guys who have zero filter and we
00:07:12
fucking swear a lot.
00:07:13
Speaker 2: Speaking of zero filter.
00:07:14
Yeah, first, adhd tone is black people mac and cheese better
00:07:19
than white people mac and cheese ?
00:07:20
Oh, 100%.
00:07:21
Well, 100%, 100% oh 100%, well, 100%, oh my god this is
00:07:24
glorious.
00:07:24
Speaker 1: Yeah, white people, mac and cheese is just like
00:07:26
craft.
00:07:26
You just go and get the box.
00:07:27
It's the worst, yeah.
00:07:29
Speaker 2: Or they just, they literally put a bowl of fucking
00:07:31
cold noodles and throw some cheese on there.
00:07:32
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's mac and cheese.
00:07:34
Speaker 2: I like a little splash of milk.
00:07:35
No, you gotta have some flavor to it.
00:07:38
Alright, my bad.
00:07:45
Speaker 1: With all that being said, we do discuss some pretty
00:07:47
horrific and tragic stories that involve murder, yay, rape Aw
00:07:55
and torture.
00:07:57
Speaker 2: Okay, I can get into it.
00:07:58
Speaker 1: We will not shy away from the most gruesome of
00:08:00
details, regardless of how disgusting they may be.
00:08:04
Now we understand that Criminal AF is not for everyone.
00:08:07
Speaker 2: Hey, and that's okay.
00:08:08
Speaker 1: We just ask that you at least give it a listen, if
00:08:10
it's not for you.
00:08:10
Thanks for checking it out, see ya, but if it is welcome to the
00:08:15
debauchery, now head on over to criminalasfuckcom for all of
00:08:21
your Criminal AF needs.
00:08:21
If you can't write the word fuck in your browser, then you
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can go to criminalafpodcastcom or criminalafllc.
00:08:28
They take you all to the same place.
00:08:29
Now.
00:08:30
From there, you can check out all of our episodes, videos,
00:08:33
reviews, send us messages for mail, call and dear douchebags,
00:08:35
as well as join our Patreon for as little as $2 a month for
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general support.
00:08:40
Now, while you're checking out Criminal AF, go check out our
00:08:45
merch.
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I got it.
00:08:46
You're going to hit it.
00:08:47
Say it and then go back and unhit it.
00:08:48
I'll get you some merch.
00:09:02
Yes, sir.
00:09:04
Speaker 2: We're obviously not working with our producer here.
00:09:06
No, no, producer, you had to go .
00:09:08
Speaker 1: We're adding new styles and designs all the time,
00:09:10
so dig deep into your voyeuristic selves and go.
00:09:13
Peep some of our stuff.
00:09:14
I do love voyeurism.
00:09:15
Oh yeah, I love watching.
00:09:17
You can go.
00:09:17
You can also go.
00:09:19
I'm a purple scrunchie.
00:09:22
Speaker 2: A purple scrunchie.
00:09:22
Speaker 1: Yes.
00:09:23
Speaker 2: That's voyeurism.
00:09:23
Yeah, that's what you want to watch, I will say if I was going
00:09:26
to be in that community, yeah, yeah, you'd be a purple.
00:09:28
Just throw the purple up there and be like hey, just invite me,
00:09:30
I want to just hang out.
00:09:31
Speaker 1: Yeah, let me get a couple beers.
00:09:33
Yeah, just some of them hips into it, bro.
00:09:35
Speaker 2: Yeah, come on, munch on that thing.
00:09:36
All right, go ahead, keep going See.
00:09:48
Speaker 1: Listen.
00:09:49
Speaker 2: I got Makers and Ginger, all right.
00:09:51
Speaker 1: This is one of those episodes.
00:09:52
Today We've partaked since I don't know.
00:09:56
Speaker 2: While we're trying to set up Studio Chlorophyll.
00:09:59
Speaker 1: Anyway, you can also go visit our friends over at
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welcometodaucherycom, where you can find ourselves fright, flick
00:10:05
, fmk and true crime university.
00:10:07
Finally, if there's one thing that we ask of you, is that you
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go to apple podcast, spotify and good pods and leave us a
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Speaker 2: It costs you absolutely nothing to do and it
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will help us immensely in spreading the word that criminal
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af is I got to hit the echo voice, the number one true crime
00:10:29
podcast in the world, world, world.
00:10:35
Speaker 1: Mail call.
00:10:36
Oh my God, Mail call.
00:10:37
All right, it's time for mail call where you send in your
00:10:42
questions and we answer them honestly and truthfully.
00:10:43
No secrets allowed.
00:10:43
Could be anything you want to ask True crime questions, of
00:10:45
course.
00:10:45
Allowed could be anything you want to ask true crime questions
00:10:46
, of course, but also the you know, anything you want to know
00:10:48
about us, our deepest, darkest secrets, our hopes and dreams.
00:10:51
And whether or not Garrett is a top or a bottom.
00:10:54
Nothing is off limits.
00:10:56
Now we think you know Garris is , I'm gonna be a bottom.
00:11:01
Speaker 2: I don't.
00:11:02
I would totally top Dave style.
00:11:03
I don't see that.
00:11:04
Listen, it's that that front you put on.
00:11:07
I know deep down you want to be a little.
00:11:09
Yeah, I want to be dumbed you.
00:11:10
I think you want to be dumbed deep down.
00:11:12
It's all.
00:11:13
Speaker 1: It's all for gazey if we guys Now we try to get to
00:11:17
all the questions, but for time purposes we can only do three or
00:11:20
four.
00:11:20
So if you don't hear yours this episode, it'll be coming up in
00:11:21
a future episode.
00:11:22
Do three or four, so if you don't hear yours, this episode
00:11:22
it'll be coming up in a future episode.
00:11:24
And first up we have Kate Goanna, a friend down there from
00:11:28
Down.
00:11:28
Speaker 2: Under, down Under, down Under Kate.
00:11:30
Speaker 1: Yeah, she has a two-part question.
00:11:32
What did you guys think of Baby Reindeer?
00:11:34
Did you watch it?
00:11:36
No, that stalker like on Netflix.
00:11:40
I didn't see it.
00:11:41
Speaker 2: You didn't watch it no.
00:11:43
Speaker 1: Okay, well, flicks, I didn't see it, you don't?
00:11:48
Speaker 2: watch it.
00:11:48
No, okay, well, I guess I'm answering this one.
00:11:50
Uh, I didn't see it yet.
00:11:51
Okay, I watched.
00:11:51
Speaker 1: We've worked so much out over time in the last time I
00:11:53
watched uh, you know, under the , you know the recommendation of
00:11:56
of kate actually, and a few other people from work um, I did
00:12:00
start watching it it's definitely on my my list.
00:12:03
I got a backlog right now, all right.
00:12:05
Well, I'm not going to give any spoilers, but I will say I've
00:12:08
watched maybe three episodes of it four and I had to turn it off
00:12:14
.
00:12:14
I was over it.
00:12:15
Speaker 2: Really yeah, okay, so then maybe I skip it.
00:12:18
Speaker 1: Well, you might like it.
00:12:19
Okay, but basically so.
00:12:21
The Baby Reindeer story is about a guy who has a stalker.
00:12:26
Speaker 2: Okay.
00:12:27
Speaker 1: It's this lady.
00:12:27
Blah, blah, blah.
00:12:28
He's like oh my God, look at me .
00:12:29
Oh, I had a fucking stalker.
00:12:31
Oh, woe is me.
00:12:32
I made a story about it.
00:12:33
Okay, true story.
00:12:35
But as I'm like three or four episodes into it, I'm like this
00:12:42
dude is kind of egging her on.
00:12:43
He likes it.
00:12:44
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know like I think that happens more than
00:12:48
people realize.
00:12:49
Yeah, it's just like everybody loves the idea of being wanted,
00:12:53
right?
00:12:53
Yeah, who cares if it's the creepy guy who sits outside your
00:12:56
window with a knife he likes you, yeah.
00:13:01
Speaker 1: He just wants to watch, just let him watch, let
00:13:02
him watch, just let him watch.
00:13:04
But anyways, yeah.
00:13:05
So I don't know, I was watching this and I'm like this dude
00:13:09
deserves everything he gets Because he's like I said, he's
00:13:13
egging her on, he's kind of like lead her on a little bit.
00:13:17
Some of the actions that he does is kind of misleading to
00:13:21
her.
00:13:22
You know what I mean?
00:13:23
Yeah, so I don't know.
00:13:25
You know what I mean?
00:13:26
Yeah, so I don't know.
00:13:27
Speaker 2: He got what he deserved.
00:13:28
Good take, I like the take.
00:13:29
Speaker 1: I stopped watching it because I'm just like this
00:13:31
guy's a fucking idiot and you're pissing me off, so yeah.
00:13:37
Speaker 2: Isn't it amazing how men just like if you're a man
00:13:41
and a woman stalks you.
00:13:42
It's not even close to the same thing as a male stalker on a
00:13:47
female like oh yeah, dudes are crazy.
00:13:51
Speaker 1: They're fucking crazy .
00:13:51
Speaker 2: It's like you're not scared for your life, like if a
00:13:55
male stalks a female it is.
00:13:57
It's creepy, it's scary.
00:13:58
Speaker 1: They're in your closet, yeah like they go in
00:14:00
your house, they're like it's just a totally different
00:14:03
atmosphere.
00:14:04
Yeah, I think like a woman stalker.
00:14:05
I could be wrong, but I think like a woman stalker is more.
00:14:08
Like you know, they try to hack into your Facebook.
00:14:13
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:14:14
Speaker 1: Like you know, it's more.
00:14:15
Speaker 2: Try to split up your marriage Like oh, let me check
00:14:17
his messages.
00:14:18
Yeah, they do yeah, but I'm sure there is where we would be
00:14:22
proven wrong.
00:14:22
Speaker 1: There's somewhere out there, oh yeah, some lady
00:14:25
Boiling a fucking rabbit in the fucking stove, yeah yeah.
00:14:27
So yeah, that's what I thought about Baby Reindeer.
00:14:29
I mean, some people like it Wasn't for me.
00:14:31
The guy fucking annoyed the shit out of me, gotcha, and he
00:14:35
deserves everything he got.
00:14:36
But anyway, I'll give Okay Now.
00:14:46
Her second question is can you clarify post-nut clarity?
00:14:49
So we did an episode.
00:14:50
Who is it?
00:14:51
The motherfucking virgin?
00:14:52
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:14:53
Speaker 1: Where he planned on killing his mother and then
00:14:56
killing his sister.
00:14:57
Yep, but after he killed his mother he got post-nut clarity.
00:15:00
He got post-nut clarity.
00:15:01
He was like you know what, I don't really want to kill my
00:15:03
sister anymore.
00:15:04
You know, Like that urge kind of goes away.
00:15:07
Speaker 2: So post-nut clarity.
00:15:09
Speaker 1: Go ahead, Dave.
00:15:10
Speaker 2: You take it off, All right Well post-nut clarity can
00:15:13
mean a variant thing.
00:15:14
Speaker 1: So it could be like actual, like sex.
00:15:16
You know, like you're like, oh my god, I'm so horny right now.
00:15:31
And you're like, uh, and you go home and you have sex with your
00:15:33
wife or whatever or a random stranger, and, uh, after you nut
00:15:34
, you're like, oh okay, I'm good , you know whatever.
00:15:35
And it could also be like you know, if you're scrolling, like
00:15:36
porn or something yeah and you come across a scene and you know
00:15:40
you do your thing and then afterwards you're like yeah, why
00:15:44
did I do that for?
00:15:45
Yeah, it's also, it also could be.
00:15:47
Speaker 2: You know, post-sunk clarity could be.
00:15:48
The 2 am.
00:15:50
Bar's about to close.
00:15:51
You pick up a girl.
00:15:52
Yeah, she's not.
00:15:53
Yeah, she's not the girl you wanted to bring home, but she
00:15:56
however, you're gonna do it yeah , you're gonna do it, and then,
00:15:59
once after you, bust yeah, you're like, you're like ah,
00:16:03
it's, it's, ah, it's that moment after a man releases.
00:16:06
That sounds so fucking disgusting.
00:16:08
Speaker 1: No, it is.
00:16:08
Speaker 2: But that you realize all your choices up to that
00:16:11
point were just horrible.
00:16:13
Speaker 1: And then you want to run, you want to run away to the
00:16:15
hills, and that even happens in .
00:16:18
Speaker 2: Like you know, you hear stories about guys who are
00:16:20
just like don't touch me.
00:16:20
Speaker 1: Don't touch me After I don't touch me.
00:16:21
Don't touch me.
00:16:22
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah After.
00:16:26
Speaker 1: It's.
00:16:26
Speaker 2: I don't know.
00:16:27
It's primalistic, maybe because you're trying back in the
00:16:29
caveman days we were just trying to bust a nut and run.
00:16:36
Speaker 1: Anything you could?
00:16:36
Yeah, once you bust, you're fucking out.
00:16:39
Yeah, you're out.
00:16:39
Speaker 2: There's saber-toothed tigers chasing you and shit.
00:16:41
Speaker 1: You know what I mean.
00:16:43
Speaker 2: That's also.
00:16:43
That's why, ladies, if a man comes quick, don't that's a
00:16:46
primal urge and a primal instinct that we have.
00:16:48
Alright, we gotta get the job done and we gotta be in and out.
00:16:50
Listen, there's cyber.
00:16:52
I said cyber-toothed there.
00:17:07
There you go, garrett logic.
00:17:07
Speaker 1: Right there, garrett logic.
00:17:08
He's more, he's.
00:17:08
He's at roots with his prime alert.
00:17:09
Yeah, yeah, I like it.
00:17:10
I'll go with that yep.
00:17:10
Speaker 2: So that's post-nut clarity.
00:17:12
That's pretty much wrapped up in a nutshell.
00:17:14
But the porn thing is is real.
00:17:15
You'll be like oh, you'll be into it, you'll be, you'll,
00:17:17
you'll do your thing.
00:17:18
And then you'll be like oh, what the fuck am I watching?
00:17:20
Speaker 1: what was I?
00:17:21
Yeah, oh yeah.
00:17:22
What was I thinking I watching?
00:17:24
What was I thinking?
00:17:25
It's shame.
00:17:25
It's basically shame.
00:17:26
After you come, you're just shame.
00:17:28
You're disgusted in yourself.
00:17:29
Speaker 2: It's like a fucking Protestant nun.
00:17:32
Speaker 1: Shame, shame, shame, shame.
00:17:34
Now there have been some pretty famous post-not-clarity serial
00:17:42
killers, you know, kind of like the goat Ed Kemper.
00:17:46
Yeah, you know.
00:17:48
Speaker 2: He just gave up.
00:17:49
Speaker 1: He killed his mother the subject of his fucking rage,
00:17:52
yep, yep, and fucked her body and her face and everything and
00:17:55
he was like I'm going to turn myself in yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm
00:17:58
good he ended it all off of a fucking post-nut clarity, yep.
00:18:02
That's what it is.
00:18:03
He did life in prison off a post-nut clarity, Yep.
00:18:06
So that's that.
00:18:07
So thank you very much, Kate Goina.
00:18:08
That was a good question.
00:18:09
Yeah, that was a good question, All right.
00:18:10
Next up we have Dylan8722, and Dylan asks if you could have 10
00:18:15
minutes with any serial killer, who would it be and what would
00:18:19
happen?
00:18:20
Speaker 2: Ooh, what would happen?
00:18:21
Ooh, what would happen?
00:18:22
Ten minutes?
00:18:22
That's such a tough question to answer off the top of the dome.
00:18:25
I don't know.
00:18:27
Go ahead.
00:18:28
Speaker 1: Everybody knows my fucking.
00:18:31
Speaker 2: Okay, Kemper.
00:18:32
Speaker 1: My serial killer crush is Kemper, so that would
00:18:35
be I mean, that's the easy answer I'll probably have to go
00:18:38
with BTK.
00:18:41
Speaker 2: I was listen.
00:18:41
I was alright, go ahead.
00:18:42
I was good, I literally thought of that two seconds ago.
00:18:45
Speaker 1: So my 10 minutes with BTK would consist of me beating
00:18:53
the living piss out of his fucking, disgusting, gross ass,
00:18:58
fucking face.
00:18:59
Speaker 2: BTK got to me.
00:19:00
That's one of the stories that I've like this episode obviously
00:19:04
is titled Albert Fish, right?
00:19:06
Speaker 1: So?
00:19:07
Speaker 2: we know he's the biggest scumbag of all time.
00:19:09
Piece of shit, yeah, but the BTK episode always gets to me.
00:19:13
I don't know what it is, yeah.
00:19:15
Speaker 1: Out of all the serial killers, BTK is probably the
00:19:19
biggest fucking scumbag there is alive.
00:19:22
Speaker 2: See, I instantly thought is for me.
00:19:25
I would kind of go into like a Dr Phil mode with BTK.
00:19:28
Speaker 1: I want to know.
00:19:28
Try to pick his brain a little bit.
00:19:29
Speaker 2: Yeah, I want to know why, like dude, you almost got
00:19:32
away with it.
00:19:32
Why, why did you Like?
00:19:34
What was the point?
00:19:35
Like I just I feel like there's so many unanswered questions
00:19:38
there.
00:19:38
Did he want?
00:19:40
Did he like deep down?
00:19:41
Did he want to get caught?
00:19:42
Speaker 1: I guess he missed the whole fucking cat and mouse
00:19:44
kind of thing.
00:19:45
Yeah, but then keep going yeah, he was a fucking idiot.
00:19:48
He's like hey, can you trace a fucking floppy disk?
00:19:51
Speaker 2: That's what I mean.
00:19:52
Like are you fucking that stupid?
00:19:53
Speaker 1: And the cop's like no , no, we can't do that.
00:19:56
Speaker 2: That's like when you see, those like the police, the
00:19:59
police departments always joke on Facebook or whatever and they
00:20:01
post like oh don't have your plug today on Christmas.
00:20:05
Speaker 1: Call us and we'll come and deliver your weed, for
00:20:07
you Are you going to really do that Right right, right, fucking
00:20:10
idiot.
00:20:10
Yeah, 100% BTK.
00:20:12
And I would beat the living piss out of him the entire 10
00:20:15
minutes and then I would curb, stomp his fucking skull and
00:20:18
smash his fucking brain.
00:20:19
Fair enough.
00:20:20
Speaker 2: Fair enough.
00:20:21
I like the Dr Phil aspect of I could choose any serial killer I
00:20:26
would just like to really deep dive.
00:20:29
Just pick their fucking brain.
00:20:31
Speaker 1: Who hurt you when you were?
00:20:32
Speaker 2: younger Learn more about all those unanswered
00:20:35
questions that we always come up .
00:20:37
Speaker 1: So you're interested in the psychology.
00:20:38
Speaker 2: Oh, I would love that .
00:20:39
I just want to go in there and beat their fucking head, yeah,
00:20:41
but mean they're behind bars, they're going to die anyway,
00:20:45
they serve their justice.
00:20:47
Speaker 1: I'm fucking petty, though.
00:20:48
I'm petty as fuck, dude.
00:20:50
It's true, I am fucking petty as fuck.
00:20:52
I want to make people suffer who deserve to fucking suffer.
00:20:55
You're like Dexter, dude, yeah.
00:20:57
Speaker 2: You are Dexter.
00:20:58
Speaker 1: Dexter.
00:20:59
All right, all right, thank you very much, dylan.
00:21:01
That was a pretty good question as well.
00:21:03
Now we have one that was sent in quite a while ago, and I must
00:21:06
have missed it.
00:21:07
Speaker 2: Okay.
00:21:07
Speaker 1: I mean quite a while ago, meaning like November.
00:21:10
Speaker 2: Oh, wow.
00:21:10
Speaker 1: Yeah, it fell out, so I sincerely apologize, but it's
00:21:15
from Michael McHugh from down in Australia.
00:21:18
Speaker 2: Oh, another down on that, yep.
00:21:19
Speaker 1: And he asked do you worry for your family's safety?
00:21:22
The more you research and discover how much evil there is
00:21:26
out there, he adds in big love from Sydney, australia.
00:21:30
Speaker 2: That is such a good question.
00:21:31
Speaker 1: How the fuck did you let that go?
00:21:32
Hey fuck, how did you let that?
00:21:35
Speaker 2: That's such a good one for us.
00:21:36
Speaker 1: It's a very good question.
00:21:37
It's a very, very good question and I apologize, michael, so
00:21:40
sorry.
00:21:41
I hope you're still listening.
00:21:42
We didn't get pissed off and be like, oh, they didn't answer my
00:21:44
fucking question, fuck them.
00:21:45
Yeah, yeah.
00:21:45
But anyway, do I worry?
00:21:48
The thought has crossed my mind that there's could possibly be
00:21:55
a serial killer out there that listens to the show and they.
00:21:58
I mean we talk about where we're from.
00:21:59
We don't hide the fact where we're from.
00:22:01
Yeah, you know what I mean, and I drive around with a fucking
00:22:04
sticker on my fucking car.
00:22:05
I know, yeah.
00:22:06
Speaker 2: Dave has a giant mural of Criminal AF on the side
00:22:09
of his car.
00:22:09
By the way, guys, If you're ever in Connecticut and you're
00:22:12
looking around.
00:22:12
You want to know.
00:22:15
Speaker 1: Well, it's got one of those fucking scan things that
00:22:18
people have been.
00:22:19
Speaker 2: Yeah, so you do get afraid.
00:22:20
So people can.
00:22:21
Yeah, so you do get afraid.
00:22:22
Speaker 1: I've thought about it .
00:22:23
Yeah, not afraid, but I've thought about it.
00:22:24
Somebody who's just like you know what?
00:22:25
Fuck these guys yeah fuck these motherfuckers.
00:22:27
Speaker 2: Piece of shit.
00:22:28
I think also he's asking as you do research and you listen to
00:22:33
these stories.
00:22:33
Speaker 1: You hear these horrific crimes.
00:22:34
Speaker 2: Are you afraid for your family, for?
00:22:37
Speaker 1: something bad In general.
00:22:38
In general, not just because of the podcast and stuff like that
00:22:41
.
00:22:41
Speaker 2: He's also saying this and I agree with you.
00:22:43
Yes, 100%.
00:22:45
It has opened my eyes a little bit.
00:22:47
You know, daughter, wife, the whole nine, my son, I have young
00:22:52
kids and it's terrifying, but I will tell you this Come to my
00:22:57
house, motherfucker.
00:22:57
Speaker 1: I swear to God I can hit a quarter at 50 yards.
00:23:00
Baby and my wife can shoot too All right, so sorry, it took
00:23:10
fucking 18 months to get to your fucking question, Michael
00:23:12
McHugh, but that was actually a fucking very thought-provoking
00:23:15
which spawned off into fucking other conversations.
00:23:18
I will say, though it does.
00:23:20
Speaker 2: I hear these stories and stuff like that and I just
00:23:21
think and my wife does too.
00:23:23
My wife watches.
00:23:24
It's just like all of the people that listen to this
00:23:25
podcast.
00:23:26
She's a huge true crime fan, yeah, and she just consumes
00:23:29
every single episode and and netflix special and amazon prime
00:23:34
special yeah and it just it's in her head.
00:23:36
She'll.
00:23:37
She'll hear a noise at night and jump up like she'll have
00:23:41
terrors in the night.
00:23:42
It night.
00:23:42
You psych yourself out when you listen to this shit 24-7.
00:23:46
Speaker 1: Since we've been doing this podcast, there's
00:23:48
definitely things that I pick up on.
00:23:50
If I'm leaving the store, I'll see if there's a note left on my
00:23:55
fucking windshield.
00:23:55
Listen from Criminal AF.
00:23:59
If you ever walk out of a store and there's a flyer or a note
00:24:03
to your windshield, you know underneath your windshield wiper
00:24:05
, get in your car and drive away .
00:24:07
Yeah, don't waste your time trying to get the fucking thing
00:24:11
off your fucking.
00:24:11
No, I mean, get to a safe place and take it off.
00:24:13
You know what I mean, because that's a ploy too for sex.
00:24:16
You know human trafficking, yeah, you know they put these
00:24:20
things.
00:24:20
So when you get out to fucking take it off your fucking
00:24:22
windshield, they're like whoop, they swipe you up and fucking
00:24:24
take you out in a fucking white van.
00:24:25
Yep, you know.
00:24:26
So there are certain things I pick up on, yeah.
00:24:29
So again, thank you very much, michael.
00:24:31
Sorry, it took so long to fucking answer that question.
00:24:33
Finally, we have Holly Moe and she has some rapid fire
00:24:37
questions.
00:24:37
Garrett, rapid fire 10 for me 10 for you.
00:24:41
Speaker 2: Okay, go, go, go.
00:24:42
So.
00:24:42
Speaker 1: I'm going to ask you first.
00:24:44
Speaker 2: Okay.
00:24:44
Speaker 1: All right virtue or sin Sin baby.
00:24:50
Speaker 2: That's what I'm talking about.
00:24:51
I like the sin.
00:24:53
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's the problem.
00:24:54
Name four of the seven dwarfs.
00:24:57
Speaker 2: Sleepy, grumpy, bashful dopey.
00:25:02
Speaker 1: Okay, boom, there you go.
00:25:03
Do you want to live forever?
00:25:06
Speaker 2: No, no, no, I've told you this.
00:25:08
I think I've told you this I don't plan on living until I'm
00:25:11
100 and fucking like shitting yourself.
00:25:15
Speaker 1: No, I I told my kids the moment I shit myself like
00:25:19
without knowing that I shit myself like if I'm just sitting
00:25:22
there and I'm just like ugh, pfft, yeah, just put me out of
00:25:24
my misery.
00:25:25
Speaker 2: I don't want to live like that.
00:25:25
I don't want to be in a home.
00:25:27
I don't want to be a burden on my fucking kids and their kids
00:25:30
and all that stuff.
00:25:31
Speaker 1: The moment somebody has to wipe my ass, I'm fucking
00:25:33
out.
00:25:33
I'm going to pull a man call.
00:25:38
I'm going to boys in the car in the garage while the fucking
00:25:41
while the tube's in there.
00:25:42
Why did it be nice?
00:25:44
Speaker 2: if we could Fucking done.
00:25:47
No, that's not funny.
00:25:48
That's not funny.
00:25:49
I shouldn't joke around, call it.
00:25:50
That's not what I want to.
00:25:52
I don't want to live forever like till I'm super old or
00:25:56
forever, and see everybody that I love and care about, and then
00:25:58
you're just by yourself as an old man.
00:26:00
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:26:01
Speaker 2: That sounds horrible.
00:26:02
Speaker 1: Yeah it by yourself as an old man.
00:26:02
Yeah, no, that sounds horrible.
00:26:04
Yeah, yeah, that's awful, all right, all right.
00:26:05
Rapid fire, rapid fire, all right.
00:26:06
What's for dinner tonight?
00:26:08
Speaker 2: Black people mac and cheese.
00:26:11
Speaker 1: It's good too.
00:26:12
I had some Kelly made it Damn.
00:26:14
She was on point with that fucking mac and cheese.
00:26:16
She's trained, yeah, all right, how many pull-ups.
00:26:22
Speaker 2: God, it's been so long since I tried that I don't
00:26:23
know 20?
00:26:25
.
00:26:27
Speaker 1: You feel confident you can do 20.
00:26:27
Speaker 2: Right now I can do 20 .
00:26:28
I don't weigh much.
00:26:29
Speaker 1: It's very easy for me , okay, but are you strong
00:26:30
enough to?
00:26:31
Yeah, I can do 20.
00:26:32
Speaker 2: I used to be able to knock out like 35.
00:26:34
Speaker 1: We're going to do a challenge On a good day.
00:26:36
We're going to do a Patreon.
00:26:38
Speaker 2: Back when I actually was in shape.
00:26:39
Okay, I bet you, I could force myself to do 20.
00:26:41
I can mind over matter, even if I'm starting to struggle at
00:26:43
like 10.
00:26:44
Speaker 1: All right, mark this down.
00:26:45
We're going to do a Patreon exclusive video.
00:26:48
I will beat you in pull-ups, I can't do one, okay, yeah.
00:26:51
Speaker 2: I'm just saying You're committing to 20.
00:26:52
I can do 20.
00:26:53
You're committing to 20.
00:26:59
I've always been good at pull-ups.
00:27:00
I'm not saying I'm strong.
00:27:02
Speaker 1: Underhand or overhand Underhand.
00:27:05
Speaker 2: Actually overhand's easier.
00:27:06
No, no, no, you said underhand.
00:27:11
Speaker 1: Underhand pull-ups 20 of them Overhand.
00:27:13
Speaker 2: No.
00:27:14
Next question.
00:27:17
Speaker 1: Alright, tea or coffee Coffee, I love tea.
00:27:19
I do like a chai tea.
00:27:22
I love tea, but coffee, chai tea, I love tea, but coffee are
00:27:25
reindeers, real creatures.
00:27:26
Yes, yes, they are yes they are .
00:27:28
Do they fly?
00:27:29
Speaker 2: no but they're real.
00:27:31
Speaker 1: Say something in an Asian language.
00:27:33
I can do it go ahead, say one.
00:27:36
Speaker 2: No, this is your question.
00:27:36
What do you want me to say?
00:27:37
I want to see you do it what's that?
00:27:39
Like hi, how are you?
00:27:42
Speaker 1: that's that like hi, how are?
00:27:43
Speaker 2: you?
00:27:43
No, that's me home.
00:27:44
Ah no, that's Chinese, I'm doing Japanese oh, you doing
00:27:45
Japanese.
00:27:47
Speaker 1: Okay, all right, that's Japanese, yeah, if we
00:27:53
have any Japanese okay all right , do you, do you respect Kanye
00:27:58
West?
00:27:59
Speaker 2: no, no, I didn't even like Kanye when he was cool.
00:28:04
Speaker 1: Sorry, go ahead All right.
00:28:06
What's the fastest speed you've ever driven a car?
00:28:08
Speaker 2: Wasn't on a car, street bike 167.
00:28:12
On a bike 167, I think I hit before I let go 167-ish.
00:28:20
And it was on a motorcycle and I'm telling you right now,
00:28:21
anybody who rides, let's listen to the podcast and understand.
00:28:24
There's no better fucking thrill in this world.
00:28:26
167 on a bike.
00:28:28
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:28:28
Speaker 2: The tunnel vision that you get is on an R1 1000
00:28:32
liter bike.
00:28:32
Oh, dude, you get this tunnel vision where the helmet, just
00:28:36
you can only see out of a pinhole.
00:28:38
Really yeah, and you just know that rush, I'm telling you.
00:28:51
Speaker 1: How old were you jump out of an airplane?
00:28:52
Speaker 2: I don't know 20s, 20, 22 23, dumb young oh, that's
00:28:53
still dumb young, dumb full of cum.
00:28:54
Yeah, that was still a dumb age .
00:28:55
Yeah, oh, no, not now.
00:28:55
Are you crazy?
00:28:56
When I got my, I I got.
00:28:56
When I got my in my motorcycle accident, I was only doing like
00:28:59
40 miles an hour yeah.
00:29:00
I just got fucked, but yeah, like 167, I think it's on an R1.
00:29:07
Yeah, 2004 R1.
00:29:08
Do you want?
00:29:09
Speaker 1: to talk about your accident.
00:29:11
Speaker 2: No, no, no, that's all right?
00:29:12
Speaker 1: No, we have a lot of people that would be like A lot
00:29:15
of dog fans here.
00:29:16
I did.
00:29:18
Speaker 2: I murdered a one-year-old German Shepherd
00:29:21
puppy guys murdered a one-year-old German Shepherd
00:29:22
puppy guys, garrett.
00:29:23
I tore my ACL, tore my meniscus , broke my left hand, permanent
00:29:28
nerve damage.
00:29:28
Yeah, but the dog ran into me, to be honest.
00:29:30
Speaker 1: Okay.
00:29:32
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was a brutal time.
00:29:33
Speaker 1: Minding its own business.
00:29:34
Yep, here comes Garrett.
00:29:36
Speaker 2: Just cruising at 40.
00:29:37
Yeah, but yeah, 167.
00:29:39
That's my answer.
00:29:40
Speaker 1: All right, all right On a motorcycle.
00:29:42
We got some for me.
00:29:43
All right, here we go.
00:29:44
Speaker 2: Yep, godfather, all right, do not fuck this up,
00:29:47
please, because I know you're going to, not Yo, this is going
00:29:49
to piss me off.
00:29:50
The first question Godfather or Star Wars?
00:29:52
Godfather, why?
00:29:57
All right, you want to know why .
00:30:01
Cinematic masterpiece, one of the greatest arcs in the fucking
00:30:04
entire cinematic universe.
00:30:05
But, okay, we'll go with.
00:30:06
Speaker 1: Godfather, go ahead All right, it's a good movie.
00:30:10
Who's the guy that plays Anakin Skywalker?
00:30:14
Speaker 2: Hayden Christensen.
00:30:16
Speaker 1: Yeah, awful, awful, fucking acting.
00:30:19
I won't say that.
00:30:20
Speaker 2: No, the scripts suck for him, his words suck.
00:30:23
All right, we're not going into a movie today, are we?
00:30:25
Speaker 1: Yes, so well in my generation, the one, two and
00:30:28
three, which is then turned into three, four and five.
00:30:31
Yes, empire Strikes Back.
00:30:34
Speaker 2: It goes.
00:30:34
Three, four and five came out first.
00:30:36
Speaker 1: Right.
00:30:37
Speaker 2: One, two and three came out next Okay, yeah three,
00:30:39
four and five.
00:30:40
Speaker 1: So the ones I grew up with, yeah, awesome,
00:30:44
groundbreaking, amazing.
00:30:46
So then they came out with the Hayden Christensen ones.
00:30:50
Speaker 2: Yes, the prequels.
00:30:51
Speaker 1: So they came out with the prequels Yep, awful, awful,
00:30:54
fucking acting Stop.
00:30:55
It was just like Stop, it's like Fast and the Furious, with
00:31:04
fucking Paul Walker when he was like bro, bro, bro, like every
00:31:04
fucking two seconds.
00:31:04
Hayden Christensen in that fucking role was just fucking
00:31:06
awful.
00:31:06
Now, when you start getting into like Jar Jar Binks.
00:31:09
Speaker 2: Yeah, of course it was groundbreaking CGI.
00:31:11
At that point they didn't know what to do.
00:31:13
Those are good, what that was the worst.
00:31:15
No, Jar Jar Binks is the greatest fucking Star Wars.
00:31:19
You're going to annoy me.
00:31:22
Speaker 1: Jar Jar.
00:31:23
Speaker 2: Me.
00:31:23
So Star Wars I will say this before you go on the fact that
00:31:30
the prequels are getting love now because they were shit on by
00:31:31
the boomers that liked the original Star Wars back in the
00:31:34
day.
00:31:34
I'm not a boomer, I know I'm talking about even older than
00:31:37
that the people that were like I love Star Wars and all that
00:31:41
stuff they got shit on back in the late 90s, early 2000s
00:31:44
whenever they came out.
00:31:45
They're getting love now and I like that.
00:31:49
Speaker 1: I can't no, Because they deserve it.
00:31:50
The Revenge of the Sith is one of the greatest movies ever made
00:31:54
.
00:31:54
The story is good.
00:31:54
I like the story of it, but Anakin Go back and watch it All
00:32:00
right.
00:32:01
Next, next question.
00:32:02
Speaker 2: I can't do it.
00:32:02
You're asking me, godfather, you're right.
00:32:04
Speaker 1: Alright, Godfather.
00:32:05
Godfather's a great movie.
00:32:06
1, 2, and 3, Godfather.
00:32:10
Speaker 2: Star Wars as a whole is just.
00:32:11
Do you like the word dapper?
00:32:14
I do use it.
00:32:16
You're looking pretty dapper today.
00:32:17
I've heard you say it a couple times.
00:32:21
Speaker 1: I like dapper, you look pretty Dapper Dapper's nice
00:32:23
.
00:32:23
Speaker 2: Yeah, he's nice, big dogs, small dogs or no dogs, ooh
00:32:27
.
00:32:29
Speaker 1: I've had big dogs, I've always had big dogs.
00:32:31
I've had, you know.
00:32:33
Speaker 2: Well, what do you consider big dog?
00:32:35
Speaker 1: Like Pitbull Shepard.
00:32:38
Speaker 2: See, I don't think those are big dogs, but mine
00:32:40
were big.
00:32:40
German Shepherds can get pretty big, but Pit Bulls are fairly
00:32:44
small.
00:32:44
No, mine were.
00:32:45
Speaker 1: They're heavy and stocky, but they're not big dogs
00:32:47
, mine wasn't like a full pit, it was a pit mix, oh okay, so it
00:32:50
was a decent size.
00:32:51
So now that I'm getting older I would say I want a nice small
00:32:55
dog I can cuddle with.
00:32:56
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, come on dogs Like that 30 pound range
00:33:05
, 30 to 40 pounds, Big enough to like the Yorkies that you deal
00:33:07
with.
00:33:07
You have to lift them up and fucking help them around the
00:33:10
house and shit like that.
00:33:11
I want a dog that can fend for itself and won't get taken away
00:33:15
from a hawk.
00:33:16
Speaker 1: That is factual, but like it's not so big that
00:33:20
they're knocking the fucking drink off the nightstand.
00:33:22
Speaker 2: I like a medium sized dog, my favorite dog of all,
00:33:23
but like it's not so big that they're knocking the fucking
00:33:23
your drink off the nightstand.
00:33:24
Yeah, I like a medium-sized dog .
00:33:25
Speaker 1: My favorite dog of all time is a boxer.
00:33:27
I fucking love boxers.
00:33:28
Speaker 2: Yeah, they've got so much energy.
00:33:29
Speaker 1: I fucking love boxers , but the older I get I don't
00:33:33
have the energy to deal with those high-energy dogs.
00:33:36
High-energy dogs, yeah.
00:33:37
So I just want a nice little dog I sit in my lap.
00:33:40
Speaker 2: I love a good chihuahua.
00:33:41
Speaker 1: People hate on chihuahuas.
00:33:42
I love them.
00:33:43
There's so much fucking, especially the chihuahuas, with
00:33:46
their eyes going in different directions and bug the fuck out.
00:33:52
Speaker 2: You got a big ass apple head.
00:33:54
Speaker 1: Your head's bigger than their fucking body.
00:33:57
Speaker 2: I like them.
00:33:57
How many hours of sleep do you need?
00:34:02
Speaker 1: Four.
00:34:03
I can get by in four hours of sleep a day.
00:34:06
Speaker 2: You're grumpy, you're a little grumpy goose.
00:34:08
On four hours Me, yeah, I get a little ornery, you're a little
00:34:11
grumpy, you need six.
00:34:13
Speaker 1: I can never get six, though I know my longest is four
00:34:17
hours at a clip, like if I have a whole day off, like I can
00:34:22
sleep four hours, I'm up, then I'll take a nap, but I can never
00:34:27
.
00:34:27
For some fucking reason, I can never sleep more than four hours
00:34:30
Ever.
00:34:31
Speaker 2: And then you wake up.
00:34:32
Well, you go back to bed, though Sometimes.
00:34:35
Sometimes, yeah, yeah, I'm like six.
00:34:38
As long as I get six, I can function.
00:34:39
Yeah, fine, anything less than six, I'm fucking miserable.
00:34:44
Yeah, are women complicated?
00:34:48
Speaker 1: I'm so fucking loony.
00:34:49
I'm so fucking loony I can't figure them out for nothing.
00:34:52
I'm like fucking going on.
00:34:53
I'll be 50 next week and I still haven't figured them out.
00:34:58
Speaker 2: You know, yeah, I mean.
00:35:00
Speaker 1: I know what buttons to push, if you know what I'm
00:35:02
saying.
00:35:02
Speaker 2: Giggity, giggity, giggity, giggity, giggity.
00:35:05
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know, it's complicated.
00:35:09
Speaker 2: I'll say yes, they are complicated.
00:35:11
I'm asking you, never mind.
00:35:13
Speaker 1: No, no, no, let's hear it.
00:35:14
Where's Kelly?
00:35:15
Speaker 2: No, no no, I'll say.
00:35:16
Of course women are complicated , just like men are to them, but
00:35:24
I feel like it's not complicated to understand what
00:35:26
you need to do to stay out of the hot seat, do you know?
00:35:28
Speaker 1: what I mean.
00:35:29
Speaker 2: I think it's very complex, but I think a lot of
00:35:33
men don't do the bare necessities to stay out of the
00:35:36
bare minimum.
00:35:36
Yeah, like they won't Bare necessities, a simple bare
00:35:41
necessity.
00:35:42
That's not what you want to do to him.
00:35:45
Oh yeah, Lucy will like this one.
00:35:47
All right, Lucy.
00:35:47
Speaker 1: Say good day mate in an Australian accent.
00:35:50
Speaker 2: You just did it for me.
00:35:50
No, I needed you to do it.
00:35:52
Good day mate.
00:35:53
Oh, actually, yours sounds pretty good.
00:35:55
Crikey, crikey.
00:35:56
I'm a little bit dark and mysterious.
00:36:01
A little bit dark and mysterious.
00:36:07
I'm a little bit dark and twisted.
00:36:07
The Australian accent is so good, dude look at these wild
00:36:10
crocs.
00:36:11
Speaker 1: No, that was fucking awful love on the spectrum.
00:36:14
Speaker 2: Australia just changed my mind on the
00:36:16
Australian accent, for sure love on the spectrum.
00:36:18
Speaker 1: Australia is hands down the greatest fucking show
00:36:20
ever.
00:36:21
Speaker 2: I will say it's top three shows to ever come out on
00:36:24
Netflix, ever, ever, like.
00:36:27
Oh, it's so good.
00:36:28
Speaker 1: Blows the US version out of the water.
00:36:30
Speaker 2: The US version sucks, yeah, and that stupid animation
00:36:32
bitch that I hate so much.
00:36:33
Sorry, he just spit out his beer.
00:36:36
I like animation.
00:36:39
Sorry, I can't make it.
00:36:44
Speaker 1: What's your favorite carb, but sadly you know what?
00:36:46
I would bang the fucking shit out of that carb.
00:36:47
Speaker 2: I know you would, you fucking weirdo.
00:36:58
Speaker 1: All right, what's your boyfriend's?
00:37:02
Speaker 2: name.
00:37:02
What's your boyfriend's name?
00:37:03
What's your boyfriend's?
00:37:04
Speaker 1: name?
00:37:04
I don't know.
00:37:04
But while he watches, Alright, what's your favorite car?
00:37:09
He's a purple fucking Lufa sponge.
00:37:13
Speaker 2: What's your favorite car?
00:37:14
Bread, pasta, rice or potatoes?
00:37:16
Speaker 1: Ooh, I'm gonna go with pasta.
00:37:18
Pasta that fits you can't beat it.
00:37:22
Potatoes close.
00:37:23
Second Pasta.
00:37:23
Speaker 2: That fits, that fits, you can't beat it yeah.
00:37:25
Speaker 1: Potatoes close second .
00:37:27
Speaker 2: Potatoes good, because you can just do so much
00:37:28
with it.
00:37:29
Yeah, alright.
00:37:30
If you could ask God One question, what would it be?
00:37:32
Speaker 1: Oh god, oh, this would be a good question for you
00:37:35
, garrett.
00:37:36
No, go ahead.
00:37:36
No.
00:37:37
If I could ask God One question , what would it be?
00:37:39
Wow, hmm, can you make my penis bigger?
00:37:46
Speaker 2: yeah, but how big do you?
00:37:47
Speaker 1: why did you make me average inches?
00:37:50
Speaker 2: average is is fair.
00:37:53
Speaker 1: You don't want fucking sorry, all right, yeah,
00:37:57
uh, yeah, no, I'm not joking.
00:37:59
I would would ask that.
00:38:00
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:38:01
Speaker 1: All right, next up.
00:38:02
Speaker 2: Stale Sour Patch Kids or Fresh Circus Peanuts.
00:38:05
What?
00:38:05
Speaker 1: the fuck.
00:38:06
Fresh Circus Peanuts.
00:38:07
Ugh what you don't like peanuts from the circus.
00:38:10
No, you got to crack them open.
00:38:13
Speaker 2: Yeah, they're nice and warm.
00:38:14
And then there's like people are just feeding like pigs in
00:38:16
the fucking stands.
00:38:18
You got to walk through peanut, walk-through peanut.
00:38:20
Speaker 1: No, you would eat stale sour patch kids, yep.
00:38:22
Speaker 2: Really Fuck a circus peanut Wow.
00:38:25
Dude, that's the worst when you go to a bar that allows people
00:38:27
to just like chop and leave all the shit that adds to the
00:38:30
ambiance.
00:38:31
No.
00:38:32
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's gross.
00:38:33
I don't know Paper or plastic.
00:38:34
I do enjoy a good plastic.
00:38:36
I miss plastic straws.
00:38:40
Speaker 2: What do you mean?
00:38:42
Speaker 1: I miss plastic straws .
00:38:42
Speaker 2: I'm drinking on a plastic straw right now.
00:38:44
You're saying how like Starbucks yeah.
00:38:46
Speaker 1: The paper straws are fucking an awful creation.
00:38:48
Speaker 2: Oh, they're the worst .
00:38:49
They're the worst.
00:38:50
They don't make any sense to me .
00:38:54
Speaker 1: Yeah, I like styrofoam yeah, styrofoam,
00:39:03
styrofoam cups.
00:39:04
Are't care what anyone says.
00:39:05
I do miss the Dunkin' Coffees in the styrofoam cup.
00:39:06
Speaker 2: Yes, dunkin' used to.
00:39:07
Oh, the Dunkin' Coffee tasted better in the styrofoam cup.
00:39:10
Speaker 1: Yeah, 100%, I agree, yeah, alright, yeah, plastic
00:39:15
slash styrofoam styrofoam was the shit too bad it's like bad
00:39:19
for the environment.
00:39:19
Speaker 2: I know they're like yeah, okay, and I get it.
00:39:23
Speaker 1: All right yeah, so that was pretty good.
00:39:25
Speaker 2: I liked it I love rapid fire.
00:39:27
Speaker 1: I liked it, yeah.
00:39:28
So if you guys got any rapid fire questions you want to ask
00:39:30
us send them in.
00:39:30
That wasn't really rapid fire, but it wasn't, but it's good.
00:39:38
Yeah, I like it.
00:39:38
I like those, everybody who sent them in.
00:39:40
You know, that was great To send us in questions for a
00:39:43
future episode.
00:39:44
Just go to criminalasfuckcom and click on the send it in tab.
00:39:48
Speaker 2: All right, let's go to Florida, let's do it.
00:39:50
Yee-hoo, what in the fuck is going on in Florida?
00:40:08
Martin County, florida, a naked man crashed his car into a
00:40:11
Florida jail saying he wanted to kill everybody.
00:40:15
Speaker 1: Hey, that's like down .
00:40:15
That's Jensen Beach area, Port St.
00:40:18
Speaker 2: Lucie.
00:40:19
One of my best friends lives there.
00:40:20
Oh really, yeah, yeah, yeah, port St Lucie, all right.
00:40:24
A video shows a car crashing into the lobby of a Florida jail
00:40:27
that was driven by a man who authorities said was naked from
00:40:30
waist down and threatened to kill officers.
00:40:33
The incident happened late Monday night at the lobby of the
00:40:37
Martin County Jail when a 40-year-old, joseph Leedy, drove
00:40:41
his car through the entrance.
00:40:42
The sheriff's officer said Surveillance videos released by
00:40:45
the sheriff's office showed the Toyota sedan slamming into the
00:40:48
front doors.
00:40:48
Leidy got out of his car wearing a woman's blouse and no
00:40:51
pants, then poured motor oil on the floor and said he wanted to
00:40:56
set it on fire.
00:40:57
The authority said he also made homicidal statements about
00:41:00
police officers and said he wanted to kill everyone and
00:41:02
threw rubber snakes on the floor .
00:41:04
Shut the fuck up.
00:41:05
This is real Dude.
00:41:08
Imagine being the guy working the front desk at the fucking
00:41:11
intake.
00:41:11
Speaker 1: Like what the fuck?
00:41:13
Speaker 2: Authorities said While our deputies were
00:41:16
interacting with him, he kept saying things like the devil
00:41:18
told me to kill everyone.
00:41:19
And he kept oh, that's a pussy way out though we all know
00:41:22
that's a pussy way out and he kept sharing his disdain for
00:41:25
President Donald Trump Fuck Donald Trump.
00:41:28
Chief Deputy John Berdinski said at the news conference
00:41:36
Tuesday.
00:41:37
According to WPTY, leidy fought the deputies in fire rescue
00:41:38
before he was tased.
00:41:39
He fought fire deputies and the fire rescue.
00:41:42
He was going out.
00:41:43
Speaker 1: He's like throwing fucking rubber snakes everywhere
00:41:45
and he's like Drop it in oil, drop it in oil.
00:41:48
Speaker 2: He was eventually restrained and taken to the
00:41:50
hospital.
00:41:50
Brudensky said Paramedics gave Leidy multiple doses of ketamine
00:41:54
to calm down.
00:41:55
Speaker 1: Damn, I wish.
00:41:56
Speaker 2: I was him.
00:41:56
I know right, you get a free K-hole trip if you fucking wig
00:42:00
out.
00:42:00
But it did not sedate him.
00:42:02
That's kind of even crazier.
00:42:03
Speaker 1: He was later booked.
00:42:04
Oh, he had to be on fucking like some synthetic shit.
00:42:06
Oh yeah, he was probably doing some PCP.
00:42:08
Speaker 2: He was later booked into jail on charges of
00:42:10
aggravated assault on a law enforcement officer and criminal
00:42:12
mischief, that's it.
00:42:13
Nah For driving his car through .
00:42:16
Speaker 1: Into a jail yeah.
00:42:18
Speaker 2: And We'll include the video, the pictures.
00:42:20
The video's wild.
00:42:21
Yeah, it's in there.
00:42:22
Officials said no one was in the lobby at the time of the
00:42:24
crash, but the incident caused thousands of dollars in damages.
00:42:28
Brudinsky said authorities believe Leidy was under the
00:42:30
influence of controlled substance, but they're awaiting
00:42:32
the results.
00:42:33
Speaker 1: You think?
00:42:39
Speaker 2: The medication that a normal person would be sedated
00:42:40
by was not affecting him at all.
00:42:41
That does lead us to believe they built up a tolerance
00:42:42
between two different types of drugs, Brudinsky said.
00:42:44
Speaker 1: So he had a tolerance to ketamine which they were
00:42:47
fucking dumping into his fucking body.
00:42:49
Yeah, that's so interesting, I didn't know that that's what
00:42:52
they would be giving people.
00:42:54
Speaker 2: It just goes to show how far ketamine has come.
00:42:56
They wouldn't give you ketamine to sedate you back in the day.
00:42:59
They're starting to realize the benefits into that.
00:43:02
Speaker 1: Not that you're an expert no, I'm not an expert on
00:43:09
ketamine but what is ketamine?
00:43:10
Is that a sedative You're not going to give me this time?
00:43:11
Is that a sedative?
00:43:13
It is a sedative.
00:43:14
Speaker 2: It is a medicine that they give horses before surgery
00:43:17
, almost like an adult Xanax.
00:43:19
Speaker 1: Okay, you know what I'm trying to say.
00:43:21
Speaker 2: They use it to sedate horses and other large animals.
00:43:25
Speaker 1: It's horse-powered Tranquilizer, xanax, a horse
00:43:29
tranquilizer.
00:43:30
Speaker 2: It's a horse tranquilizer.
00:43:31
It's not Xanax, but I'm just saying it would be the
00:43:33
equivalent of like calming.
00:43:34
Speaker 1: So they're giving this guy a horse tranquilizer, a
00:43:37
horse tranquilizer.
00:43:37
And it's not even fucking effective.
00:43:38
Speaker 2: Yes, but that's the thing.
00:43:39
It affects people different than it does horses, because a
00:43:42
horse doesn't trip.
00:43:43
Actually, who knows, a horse might trip balls when they're on
00:43:46
ketamine.
00:43:47
You can't tell you that they're tripping balls, but it'll put
00:43:49
you in a K-hole which is like you're just zoom.
00:43:52
You're in a fucking whole other world.
00:43:55
Speaker 1: You trip.
00:43:57
Speaker 2: It's a psychedelic at the end of the day, even though
00:43:59
it's considered something else, but it gives off hallucinations
00:44:02
and all that other stuff.
00:44:03
Speaker 1: Yeah, but you're not an expert.
00:44:04
No, I'm not an expert.
00:44:05
Speaker 2: I'm not, it's just stuff.
00:44:06
All right, go ahead.
00:44:07
Next Episode leader.
00:44:09
Oh man All right.
00:44:15
I don't understand the snakes though, and the oil, the motor
00:44:21
oil, I get that.
00:44:22
Maybe trying to start.
00:44:23
Speaker 1: You're trying to start a fire, yeah, but but yeah
00:44:26
, the snakes are.
00:44:29
Speaker 2: Do you know how wild that has to be?
00:44:30
As like that, that's yeah, you listen, you go, you decide as a,
00:44:35
as a like a career choice that you're going to help, you're
00:44:37
going to do something good you become a police officer?
00:44:39
Yes, yeah yeah you, you go through months of training, go
00:44:45
through on-job training.
00:44:47
You see some wild shit, but then you see this guy bust
00:44:49
through and throw motor oil snakes in a blouse with his dick
00:44:54
out and just scream fuck Donald Trump.
00:44:58
Like at what point did police officers just say like I don't,
00:45:01
I'm done.
00:45:03
Speaker 1: I'm over this.
00:45:03
Yeah, sir, sir, and then he's not.
00:45:08
Speaker 2: Like you're trying to give him ketamine, he's not
00:45:09
coming down.
00:45:09
You're tasing him.
00:45:10
He's fucking fine, like, yeah, it's a crazy job, it's a wild
00:45:15
job.
00:45:16
Speaker 1: I still I give out every, every officers out there
00:45:19
when I was, when I was younger, I actually applied to be a
00:45:22
police officer pretty much all through high school at you know
00:45:25
all that like I wanted to be a cop.
00:45:27
Yeah, that was my, like, my goal, you know yeah same today,
00:45:31
like I have to like hand it to people oh yeah who become police
00:45:35
officers today, especially the ones that like we know, fucking
00:45:39
wild like they're out on injuries.
00:45:41
Yeah, it's, it's yeah it's wild to be a cop right now.
00:45:45
Wild.
00:45:46
It pays good, but it doesn't pay that good to deal with the shit
00:45:49
that they have to deal with.
00:45:50
Yeah, yeah, it's just fucking out of control.
00:45:52
It's like the Wild West now for real.
00:45:54
But anyway, yeah, guy in a blouse with his dick out, guy in
00:45:58
a blouse with his dick out saying, woo, let me throw these
00:46:00
snakes.
00:46:00
Oh, this one's connected to me, I can't fucking throw this one.
00:46:05
But anyway, yeah, that was a fucking wild one.
00:46:06
All right, all right.
00:46:07
So let's get into this story about arguably the worst serial
00:46:12
killing pedophile ever.
00:46:13
Speaker 2: We were having fun and now we got to talk about a
00:46:15
fucking the one of the worst.
00:46:17
Speaker 1: Now we got to talk about this fucking dude, so I
00:46:19
avoided this story, the fucking plague, because I just don't
00:46:22
like doing kid stories.
00:46:23
Speaker 2: I remember bringing it up to you.
00:46:24
Speaker 1: We should do Albert Fish and you're like no, no, no,
00:46:27
fuck that guy.
00:46:28
But it's been widely requested.
00:46:31
And our good friend Debbie from True Crime University she just
00:46:35
so happened to have written this story before and she asked us
00:46:39
if we'd like to do it.
00:46:39
She had it written, thank you Debbie.
00:46:42
She didn't end up doing it.
00:46:44
So she was like hey, you guys can take this.
00:46:45
So thank you very much, debbie, for sending us this story.
00:46:49
So tuck your kids in the bed, give them a kiss on the forehead
00:46:52
and tell them to never take candy from a boomer named Albert
00:46:56
, because it's time to fuck this episode in the mouth.
00:47:02
What do you say, garrett?
00:47:02
Let's go.
00:47:02
Yeah, let's do it.
00:47:03
All right.
00:47:03
So this is a story of Hamilton Howard Fish, who was born May
00:47:08
19th 1870, in the United States capital of Washington DC.
00:47:12
His parents were Ellen, age 32, and Randall who, at the time of
00:47:16
Hamilton's birth, was 75 years old.
00:47:19
Yes, you heard that right 75.
00:47:22
75 fucking years old.
00:47:23
Yes, you heard that right 75.
00:47:24
75 fucking years old, 43 years older than his wife.
00:47:26
I hope I can still get it up at 75.
00:47:29
You know, I mean, I can't have kids.
00:47:31
I mean there's always Blue Chew.
00:47:32
Speaker 2: Viagra, you can get it up, but not back in the 1800s
00:47:35
, yeah.
00:47:35
That was all natural baby.
00:47:37
That guy was built.
00:47:38
Speaker 1: This dude was fucking ready to fucking spread his
00:47:40
seed, all right.
00:47:42
So Hamilton had three older siblings Walter, annie and Edwin
00:47:46
.
00:47:46
Another brother, albert, had died in infancy long before
00:47:49
Hamilton was even a fucking thought.
00:47:50
He was still swimming around in his daddy's 75-year-old nuts.
00:47:54
Hamilton was born in a long line of mentally ill people,
00:47:58
including his mother, uncle, brother and sister, and had all
00:48:02
been diagnosed with some sort of mental health condition.
00:48:04
The family patriarch Randall, was a riverboat captain and a
00:48:08
fertilized manufacturer who died in October of 1875 when
00:48:11
Hamilton was just five years old .
00:48:13
Speaker 2: That's such an 1875 job title a riverboat captain,
00:48:17
he's a riverboat.
00:48:17
Captain, I lost my kid on a riverboat gambling trip.
00:48:22
Speaker 1: So yeah, he died when Hamilton was just five years
00:48:25
old, leaving Ellen alone with all four children and back then
00:48:31
being a single mom kids it was rough, totally different.
00:48:33
So it says he died from senile debility, which is an old-timey
00:48:39
way of saying he died of heart disease.
00:48:41
Like well, it seems here he died of senile debility.
00:48:45
See, it seems here he died of senile diabetes, eh, Meh, meh,
00:48:49
meh, meh Meh.
00:48:50
So Ellen was unable to care for the kids and she placed them in
00:48:54
St John's Orphanage, a decision that would result in fucking
00:48:58
disaster.
00:48:59
Now both the staff and other children harassed and abused
00:49:02
Hamilton physically, sexually and emotionally, and because
00:49:06
they're all bratty kids who come up with stupid nicknames, they
00:49:10
called him Ham and Eggs, Ham and Eggs Hamilton.
00:49:13
To alleviate this, he started using his dead brother's name.
00:49:17
So from here on out, hamilton will now be known as Albert
00:49:23
Right Albert would later say I was there till I was nearly nine
00:49:27
and that's where I got started wrong.
00:49:29
We were unmercifully whipped.
00:49:31
I saw boys doing things they should not have been doing,
00:49:35
perhaps as a coping mechanism.
00:49:37
Young Albert soon started to enjoy being whipped and beaten.
00:49:40
I don't blame him.
00:49:41
It would become visibly aroused , resulting in more taunts from
00:49:45
the other children.
00:49:47
Speaker 2: He'd say oh, I hope you don't get mad at me.
00:49:53
Speaker 1: Who broke all the chalk?
00:49:54
Oh, I don't know, teacher, it wasn't me, it wasn't me.
00:49:59
Are you going to punish whoever did it?
00:50:02
Speaker 2: Oh, I hope you are merciful for those kids.
00:50:05
Oh man, eventually his mother, ellen.
00:50:09
That's not funny.
00:50:10
No, calabuse is never funny yeah it's kind of funny.
00:50:14
Speaker 1: Eventually, his mother, ellen, got a job with
00:50:16
the government and was financially able to care for her
00:50:19
children again.
00:50:19
So Albert was brought home, but , as we said earlier, the damage
00:50:21
was already done for her children again.
00:50:22
So Albert was brought home, but , as we said earlier, the damage
00:50:23
was already done.
00:50:25
When Albert was 11, he fell from a tree and hit his head,
00:50:29
after which he suffered from headaches, dizziness, stuttering
00:50:31
and abrupt personality changes.
00:50:33
He was also a frequent bedwetter until he reached
00:50:37
adolescence and, as we know, garrett that's one of the serial
00:50:40
killer triad, along with Archer and Animal Torture Literally by
00:50:44
right textbook too.
00:50:47
Speaker 2: You know what's funny too.
00:50:48
People are always like.
00:50:50
You hear the old timers saying we were kids, we were climbing
00:50:53
trees and getting hurt all the time.
00:50:57
Speaker 1: Yeah, because you fucking-.
00:50:58
We pissed our bed till.
00:50:58
We were fucking 14.
00:51:01
Speaker 2: You banged your head and developed a stutter, and
00:51:04
then started murdering kids like maybe it's not a bad thing that
00:51:08
we just let the kids just do whatever the fuck they wanted,
00:51:10
right my bad, go ahead, keep going, all right, when he was 12
00:51:13
, albert had his.
00:51:15
Speaker 1: Hey, listen, this story is very serious, it's
00:51:17
fucking sick, it's fucking pathetic we're trying to have
00:51:19
it's awful we're, we're, we're trying to make the best of this
00:51:22
fucking gruesome fucking story.
00:51:24
All right, so when he was 12, albert had his first sexual
00:51:27
encounter, and this was with a 17-year-old telegraph boy who
00:51:32
lived in an apartment below him.
00:51:33
Oh, so now he's diddled.
00:51:35
Yeah, jesus.
00:51:35
Speaker 2: Christ.
00:51:36
Speaker 1: So the older boy introduced him to urolinasia,
00:51:42
urolagnia, what?
00:51:44
Speaker 2: I don't even know how to say it.
00:51:45
Speaker 1: Urolagnia.
00:51:47
Speaker 2: Well, it's ready, ready, ready, ready, ready,
00:51:48
ready, ready ready.
00:51:50
Speaker 1: Urolagnia, urolagnia, okay, the older boy introduced
00:51:53
him to urolagnia, which is the drinking of urine, and
00:51:57
coprophagia, the consumption of feces.
00:52:01
Oh yeah, which Albert would engage in for the rest of his
00:52:07
life.
00:52:07
Now I'm going to add, like a little tidbit, and fucking take
00:52:09
it how you will so this was around the same time of the
00:52:11
cleveland street scandal, where, in 1889, 1890, there were
00:52:16
accusations and trials, uh, involving sexual liaisons
00:52:20
between english aristocrats and young Telegraph boys in London.
00:52:24
They ran messages out of the 19 Cleveland Street post office,
00:52:30
that's so strange.
00:52:31
Yeah, so this post office was obviously a business by day and
00:52:35
turned into a brothel of young boys that night, that's wild.
00:52:39
Now I understand the story that we're discussing today.
00:52:42
This happened in the US, but I'd say it's fair to assume that
00:52:46
the 17-year-old telegraph boy who was screwing 12-year-old
00:52:49
Albert and was experienced in pissing and shitting on people
00:52:53
what the fuck may have been involved in a similar
00:52:56
environment.
00:52:57
Speaker 2: That's just saying.
00:52:58
I wonder if it translated over.
00:53:00
Speaker 1: Yeah, those are learned behaviors.
00:53:01
You know, I don't know.
00:53:02
Food for thought, yeah for sure , all right.
00:53:04
So now, at the age of 20, albert moved to New York City
00:53:07
with his mother and briefly made a living prostituting himself
00:53:11
to other men.
00:53:11
He would later say that it was around this time that he began
00:53:15
to sexually assault children, mainly boys.
00:53:18
Speaker 2: Before we get into the sad shit, let's just say
00:53:21
this man was ahead of his time.
00:53:22
Before we get into the sad shit .
00:53:24
Let's just say this man was ahead of his time 18, what year?
00:53:26
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like late 1800s, late 1800s, and he's
00:53:29
openly gay.
00:53:30
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know what I mean.
00:53:32
Yeah, ahead of his time.
00:53:34
Yeah, he was, I don't know, I'm just saying, you know, I've got
00:53:37
to give him something.
00:53:42
Speaker 1: Well, hopefully you can give him chlamydia, I don't
00:53:45
know.
00:53:45
Speaker 2: All right, so he started.
00:53:46
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm going yeah.
00:53:49
Speaker 2: I don't know what I'm doing.
00:53:50
I'm just saying openly gay in the 1800s is a About yeah.
00:53:53
It's a drastic thing.
00:53:54
Speaker 1: Right.
00:53:56
Speaker 2: You would be killed back then for that.
00:53:58
Speaker 1: Probably sent to an insane asylum.
00:54:00
But yeah, I don't know about killed.
00:54:02
Speaker 2: Yeah, this isn't fucking Germany where they hello
00:54:06
, you're in alabama, come on, you're prancing around eating
00:54:10
fucking shit and piss.
00:54:11
Prancing around eating shit and piss they're gonna kill you.
00:54:14
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're thinking the devil.
00:54:16
Speaker 2: Okay, all right, he started working.
00:54:19
Speaker 1: Yeah, all right.
00:54:20
All right.
00:54:22
He started work as a painter, which enabled him to move about
00:54:24
to different locations.
00:54:25
He claims that, uh, he often lured children into basements of
00:54:28
the buildings he was painting Around this time Fish.
00:54:32
He started another hobby, which was letter writing, which is
00:54:36
back in the late 1800s, letter writing was a hobby.
00:54:39
Yeah yeah, he found the addresses of adult women in
00:54:44
newspaper Lonely Hearts ads and sent them obscene letters filled
00:54:47
with details of spanking them as well as drinking their piss
00:54:51
and eating their shit.
00:54:52
So I, aged 25, albert's mother fixed him up with 19 year old
00:54:57
Anna Marie Hoffman and the two were married not too long later.
00:55:00
Now, over the years, albert and Anna had six children together
00:55:04
Albert jr, john, anna, gertrude, eugene and Henry, who were all
00:55:11
raised primarily by Anna.
00:55:12
As was off.
00:55:12
You know, he often traveled for work and, you know, for
00:55:15
painting, and did special trips to have sex with fucking boys
00:55:19
and shit you know?
00:55:20
Speaker 2: Yeah, he was a busy guy.
00:55:21
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you know he had you know things he got to
00:55:23
do, and so on one occasion one of Fish's male lovers took him
00:55:28
to a museum that featured an exhibit of dissected and
00:55:32
preserved body parts.
00:55:33
So there was actually an exhibit that was going around
00:55:38
not too long ago.
00:55:39
It's called Bodies Revealed.
00:55:40
I went Do you remember that?
00:55:41
Yep, I did it.
00:55:42
Yeah, that showed actual bodies , like, broken down into various
00:55:45
levels, like some had their skin removed, others had their
00:55:48
entire muscular system removed to reveal just a nervous system.
00:55:51
So I went to the Connecticut Science Museum as a chaperone
00:55:56
for my daughter's sixth grade class oh no, years like this was
00:55:59
years ago and they had two bodies, a male and a female, and
00:56:03
they were positioned.
00:56:05
They positioned a woman in a reverse cowgirl position on top
00:56:11
of the guy body.
00:56:12
Right Now, if I remember correctly, they had the woman's
00:56:17
abdomen kind of like open so you could see the penis inside the
00:56:22
woman.
00:56:23
What the fuck.
00:56:24
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't remember that scene.
00:56:25
I went to that same exhibit.
00:56:27
Speaker 1: I'm actually putting it up on the fucking video.
00:56:29
Speaker 2: Oh, you're putting it up there, yeah, okay.
00:56:30
Speaker 1: So now here's the thing they're real bodies
00:56:33
donated to science.
00:56:34
Okay, so imagine being the person who had to take a dead
00:56:37
guy's dick and insert it into a dead woman's vagina and then cut
00:56:44
the woman's abdomen out to show what it looks like to have a
00:56:47
dick inside of a woman.
00:56:49
Like, imagine that being your job.
00:56:53
I don't know.
00:56:55
Speaker 2: That sounds perfect for Albert Fish.
00:56:56
I don't know.
00:57:00
Speaker 1: I just wanted to throw that in.
00:57:01
Speaker 2: It was like fucking wild that's funny that you had
00:57:02
to sit there as a chaperone for a sixth grade girl's class.
00:57:07
Speaker 1: Yeah, Look kids, Look kids.
00:57:10
Yeah, that's called reverse cowgirl.
00:57:11
I'm at it.
00:57:14
It was kind of awkward.
00:57:17
I was like, alright, so we're moving on.
00:57:19
There's the nervous system.
00:57:21
Look, there's the brain.
00:57:23
Don't look at the penis, Alright.
00:57:25
So back to Albert Fish.
00:57:26
He was fascinated by a dissected penis and became
00:57:30
obsessed with mutilating genitals throughout his life.
00:57:34
In 1903, at the age of 33, albert was arrested for the
00:57:37
first time and convicted of grand larceny, for which he
00:57:40
served 16 months in Sing Sing Prison.
00:57:42
Sing Sing, sing Sing.
00:57:43
While there he acquired the nickname Shitstick, or you can
00:57:49
probably guess.
00:57:51
Speaker 2: Oh, he probably loved prison, dude.
00:57:54
Speaker 1: And if you can't guess why he was called
00:57:55
Shitstick, it's because he liked to fuck dudes in the ass and
00:57:58
getting shit on his dick, but anyway.
00:58:00
Speaker 2: Ew, I digress, never mind, this will get banned yeah.
00:58:05
Speaker 1: If I start going off.
00:58:06
In 1910, fish met a mentally challenged man named Thomas
00:58:11
Kedden in Delaware and held him captive in an abandoned barn for
00:58:15
five weeks.
00:58:16
In what reads like a penthouse forum letter from hell, fish
00:58:19
later recalled the torture he subjected Thomas to, including
00:58:23
whipping, defecating on him and sticking needles in his ass.
00:58:27
He later recalled how did he scream?
00:58:30
It was sweet music to my very soul to hear it and know that no
00:58:35
one else could.
00:58:35
I clapped my hands and jumped with joy when I heard him
00:58:38
screaming.
00:58:40
Speaker 2: It's like straight sadism.
00:58:41
He's like sadistic as fuck.
00:58:43
He's such a fucking weirdo.
00:58:47
Speaker 1: So, before releasing Thomas Fish, severed his penis
00:58:50
in half, bandaged it, gave him $10, and kissed him goodbye,
00:58:57
fucking weirdo yeah.
00:59:00
Speaker 2: To think that there's somebody that's even like,
00:59:03
there's actual people in this world that are capable of being
00:59:07
into this, enjoying this, getting sexually aroused from
00:59:10
that shit.
00:59:12
Speaker 1: It's wild Now, at 47 years old.
00:59:14
In 1917, an incident occurred which many believe instigated
00:59:19
Albert's descent into madness.
00:59:20
I don't know, he's already there.
00:59:22
Yeah, he's pretty fucking crazy .
00:59:24
Now His wife left them for a man named John Straub, a
00:59:28
handyman who had been their boarder.
00:59:30
Although she returned a short time later, she hid John in the
00:59:35
basement.
00:59:35
It would make frequent trips down there for their little
00:59:39
trysts.
00:59:39
They had a little boom-boom room down there in the fucking
00:59:43
basement.
00:59:44
Speaker 2: It's amazing.
00:59:45
You know Always be a handyman.
00:59:49
Speaker 1: Well, that's what what?
00:59:51
Speaker 2: was our story.
00:59:51
Oh, I just wish I could reach these things.
00:59:55
Speaker 1: The Hinterkaifeck story that we did.
00:59:57
Speaker 2: It's amazing, man, if you can fix stuff.
00:59:59
Speaker 1: He was a farmhand.
01:00:00
Speaker 2: That's like a primal thing for women.
01:00:02
Dude, it's a good thing, learn some traits.
01:00:05
Speaker 1: This is like the old-timey version of a pool boy.
01:00:07
Yeah, you know like the old-timey version of a pool boy.
01:00:08
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yep sitting there like you can fix
01:00:10
uh the devil, uh plumbing, yeah can you?
01:00:16
Speaker 1: I'm moister than an oyster.
01:00:17
Yeah, can you drain my outhouse ?
01:00:20
Speaker 2: oh, they don't.
01:00:21
I don't think they drained them what are they doing?
01:00:24
Speaker 1: I?
01:00:24
Don't know that's, that's for later.
01:00:27
Just make a new outhouse I don't know like fill it in make
01:00:29
a new househouse.
01:00:30
Speaker 2: I don't know, like fill it in and make a new house.
01:00:31
I don't know, how do you, where do you drain I don't know.
01:00:34
Speaker 1: Kind of like when you do a gas, you like take a hose
01:00:36
in and you siphon it out.
01:00:37
Stop, stop, all right, all right.
01:00:43
So when Albert found out his wife was banging the handyman,
01:00:46
he was furious and he threw them both out.
01:00:49
So Anna left with all the furniture, but she left the kids
01:00:52
.
01:00:52
She's like fuck them kids.
01:00:56
Speaker 2: Give me the fucking couch.
01:00:57
Speaker 1: Give me the couch and that armoire.
01:00:59
You keep the kids.
01:01:00
You keep the children.
01:01:01
By all accounts, Albert was a pretty good dad.
01:01:06
By being a good dad means involving his children In the
01:01:09
1880s or whatever it was.
01:01:11
Yeah, there was, the standard wasn't that high, but okay, he's
01:01:13
like hey, kids, you know how about you uh whip me and uh
01:01:18
entertain them by inserting cotton into the you know his
01:01:21
butthole.
01:01:22
I don't let me jesus christ dude.
01:01:25
Uh, yeah, so he would have them.
01:01:26
Whip him with homemade leather whips and entertain,
01:01:30
quote-unquote, them with inserting cotton into his
01:01:34
butthole and setting it on fire.
01:01:36
Do you ever do that with the kids?
01:01:39
No, come on kids gather around.
01:01:40
Speaker 2: You know what's so funny.
01:01:41
Like this cotton on fire.
01:01:43
That's what people don't realize is you try to keep it
01:01:45
light and then you realize that there is some fucking up fucking
01:01:50
people stories.
01:01:50
Speaker 1: This is why this is this right here, is why I did
01:01:53
not want to fucking do this story.
01:01:54
Fuck, but we're doing it, we're here, we're, we're committed,
01:01:57
we're committed.
01:01:58
So let's go that's sickening yeah, so the children?
01:02:01
uh, they reported that albert became delusional, screaming I
01:02:06
am christ and saying that he received messages from God and
01:02:11
other biblical characters.
01:02:12
Years later, he said it seemed to me that I had to offer a
01:02:15
child for sacrifice and to purge myself of sins, inequities and
01:02:20
abominations in the sight of God .
01:02:22
So that's what he had to do.
01:02:25
He had to sacrifice children because he's a fucking nut job.
01:02:29
Speaker 2: I was about to say this too.
01:02:30
You know, there's a little paranoid schizophrenia there's,
01:02:34
there's, there's.
01:02:34
I'm looking at the mental aspect of it.
01:02:36
Speaker 1: Yeah.
01:02:37
Speaker 2: Undiagnosed psychological problems, yeah,
01:02:40
and paranoid schizophrenia right off the rip, at least on top of
01:02:44
a whole bunch of shit.
01:02:45
Speaker 1: Yeah, and it seems like you know, like you said,
01:02:47
like schizophrenia and whatnot.
01:02:48
It seems like when they go through that they're seeing like
01:02:53
biblical figures, yeah, like religious figures, like God or
01:02:56
Jesus or whatever but there's also devil demonic like dark
01:02:59
shit too with those people.
01:03:01
Speaker 2: Yeah, it always seems to go, and back then they were
01:03:03
just like ah, do some cocaine about it.
01:03:05
They would prescribe you like it's witchcraft.
01:03:09
Speaker 1: I don't know.
01:03:11
Speaker 2: They had no actual fucking yeah reasoning for it.
01:03:13
Oh, let me, uh, let me bleed you, yeah.
01:03:16
Yeah, let's put some leeches on them, bring them to the river
01:03:19
bathe them in fucking river juice.
01:03:21
Speaker 1: Oh man, all right.
01:03:22
So uh yeah.
01:03:25
On july 1st 1924, fish noticed an eight-year-old girl named
01:03:29
Beatrice playing on her farm in Staten Island.
01:03:31
He tried to entice her, but fortunately her mother was
01:03:35
nearby and shooed him away.
01:03:37
Shoo, get away, get away from my daughter.
01:03:40
Not to be deterred, Albert hid in the family's barn hoping for
01:03:43
another chance to abduct Beatrice, but was chased off by
01:03:46
her father this time.
01:03:47
Yeah, but again, he was not going to give up.
01:03:52
Maybe not so much with Beatrice , he's going to move on to
01:03:55
somebody else, right?
01:03:56
So he committed his first known murder at the age of 54.
01:04:00
He went his entire life, Wow, and at age 54, on July 14th 1924
01:04:06
, committed his first murder.
01:04:07
And that was 8-year-old Francis McDonald, who was playing in
01:04:11
the street with other children in Staten Island and his mother
01:04:14
was watching from the porch.
01:04:16
She noticed an older man, a man in gray, walking up and down
01:04:20
the street observing them.
01:04:21
Something about him gave her the creeps.
01:04:24
All of a sudden, little Francis was gone.
01:04:27
A neighbor recalled that he had seen the boy being led away
01:04:31
into the woods by an older man.
01:04:32
Word of the missing boy you didn't stop it yeah.
01:04:37
Yeah, I saw a little, you know, look at here see.
01:04:40
Speaker 2: Like why is that time period so primitive?
01:04:43
I never understood that.
01:04:46
Speaker 1: I mean even now, though, dude.
01:04:48
Speaker 2: No, there is a thousand fucking helicopter
01:04:51
parents.
01:04:51
Speaker 1: That would never happen in today's society no, I
01:04:54
get it, they wouldn't.
01:04:55
Speaker 2: They wouldn't There'd be six people that would have
01:04:57
notified that person.
01:04:58
This guy's like ah, he went in the woods, the guy was holding
01:05:02
his hand, it's fine.
01:05:03
I don't know he was with an older man it blows my mind.
01:05:06
Children were expendable back then.
01:05:10
I'm talking 1800s.
01:05:14
Speaker 1: But we also did a case not too long ago, well,
01:05:16
actually a fucking long time ago the Genovese Syndrome.
01:05:21
Speaker 2: Remember yes, yeah.
01:05:22
Speaker 1: When somebody's in trouble, people kind of look the
01:05:24
other way.
01:05:26
Speaker 2: No man, I wouldn't be able to do that.
01:05:27
I would not be able to do that.
01:05:28
I wouldn't be able to do that.
01:05:29
I would have fucking red flag.
01:05:30
What the fuck are you doing where the fuck you?
01:05:33
Speaker 1: going where you going with that kid you, fucking
01:05:35
pervert instantly, without a doubt.
01:05:38
I don't care like yeah, well, they didn't do that back then
01:05:43
and word of the missing boy spread and panic ensued.
01:05:46
Searchers found the body of Francis in the woods the
01:05:49
following morning.
01:05:50
He was under a pile of branches and he had been strangled with
01:05:55
his suspenders and atrociously assaulted according to the
01:06:00
coroner, atrociously assaulted.
01:06:02
People became paranoid and sightings of this mystery gray
01:06:06
man were reported everywhere.
01:06:08
Parents began telling their children hey, you better be good
01:06:11
or the gray man's gonna get you Fish's.
01:06:15
Next documented murder occurred on February 11th 1927.
01:06:18
A 12-year-old boy named Johnny was watching his two younger
01:06:22
neighbors, both three-year-old boys, named Billy.
01:06:24
They were playing in the hallway of their Manhattan
01:06:27
apartment building when he was drawn inside by the crying of
01:06:30
his baby sister.
01:06:31
So now Johnny goes inside, the two Billys are left outside.
01:06:35
He returned to find that both Billys had vanished and Billy
01:06:41
Beaton was found by his father safely playing on the roof and
01:06:45
when asked where the other Billy had gone, he gave the chilling
01:06:48
reply the boogeyman took him Oof because you know that's what he
01:06:51
said.
01:06:52
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know that's what Albert said.
01:06:54
Yeah, for sure, I'm the boogeyman.
01:06:56
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah.
01:06:56
So, as with little Francis, neighbors searched frantically
01:07:00
for Billy Gaffney, to no avail.
01:07:02
Later, a trolley driver recalled a boy matching Billy
01:07:06
Gaffney's description being led onto the trolley crying by an
01:07:10
old man with gray hair dressed in gray.
01:07:13
It appears as though the gray man had claimed his second
01:07:16
victim.
01:07:16
After his arrest, fish told the police what happened to Billy.
01:07:21
He said that he took him to an abandoned house before he
01:07:24
whipped him and cut his throat, bringing his meat home to cook
01:07:28
in a stew with vegetables.
01:07:30
His remains were never recovered.
01:07:31
Never recovered, yeah.
01:07:35
Speaker 2: Was that his first dance with cannibalism?
01:07:40
Speaker 1: I believe that was yeah.
01:07:41
On May 25th 1928, edward Budd placed an ad in the New York
01:07:45
World reading Young man, 18, wishes position in country
01:07:51
Edward Budd, 406 West 15th Street.
01:07:53
Edward, who lived in a cramped ground floor apartment with his
01:07:57
parents and four siblings, was looking to earn money doing
01:07:59
something more pleasant than just driving trucks.
01:08:01
Little did he know that his advertisement would set in
01:08:05
motion events that would bring to light one of the most
01:08:07
deranged and insidious serial killers the world has ever known
01:08:10
.
01:08:10
A few days later, a well-dressed gentleman who had
01:08:13
dressed himself as Frank Howard appeared at the Budd's door.
01:08:17
In response to the ad, mrs Delia Budd invited him inside,
01:08:22
and Edward and his friend Willie appeared.
01:08:24
Edward asked if Willie could work with him as well on Mr
01:08:27
Howard's farm, to which the old man agreed.
01:08:29
He then said that he had to leave as he had a business
01:08:33
appointment and would return on a Saturday with a car.
01:08:37
Since Mr Howard was obviously Albert Fish had only been
01:08:41
expecting one young man, he had to make extra preparations for
01:08:44
an extra one.
01:08:44
He later told police that he planned to tie up Edward, cut
01:08:49
off his penis and leave him to bleed to death.
01:08:51
So on that Saturday he sent the Buds a handwritten telegram
01:08:56
reading bent over in New Jersey call.
01:08:59
In the morning On Sunday, june 3rd, mr Howard quote unquote
01:09:04
returned to the Bud apartment with pot cheese, strawberries
01:09:07
and his weapons, which he referred to as his implements of
01:09:11
hell, wrapped in a package.
01:09:12
As the family was having lunch with their guests, he asked if
01:09:16
they had received his telegram.
01:09:18
Seeing it on the mantle, he serendipitously placed it in his
01:09:22
pocket, which was also observed by Mr Butt, who thought it was
01:09:26
odd, but he didn't really say anything.
01:09:27
Like you sent us a telegram and now you're taking it back.
01:09:30
It's kind of weird.
01:09:31
Whatever, and I'm sure, a telegram was a big deal back
01:09:34
then.
01:09:35
That was like a Christmas card.
01:09:36
Hey, may I get the telegram?
01:09:38
Speaker 2: That was a Christmas card back then.
01:09:39
Telegram here that's when your mom tapes up the Christmas cards
01:09:42
on the mirror or whatever Over the threshold.
01:09:51
Speaker 1: While they were waiting for Edward and Willie,
01:09:52
10-year-old Grace Budd entered the apartment A beautiful little
01:09:54
girl, in her Sunday church dress.
01:09:56
She had brown hair, big, dark eyes and pale skin.
01:09:59
What do you think is going to happen, garrett?
01:10:01
I don't know man.
01:10:02
Mr Howard immediately turned his attention to her.
01:10:06
Come here, child, he said, gathering her onto his lap.
01:10:09
Let's see how good at counting you are.
01:10:12
Speaker 2: That's so fucking eerie, Ugh I hate it.
01:10:16
Speaker 1: To the family's astonishment, mr Howard whipped
01:10:19
out a wad of cash totaling $92.50, which back then was
01:10:25
about $1.
01:10:27
Pulled out a band.
01:10:28
Yeah, just pulled out a band.
01:10:30
After Grace had successfully counted it, he praised her and
01:10:34
gave her 50 cents to buy some candy.
01:10:36
Here's some candy, little girl.
01:10:39
As she had run off, mr Howard, aka Albert, said I just
01:10:45
remembered my sister is having a birthday party for my niece.
01:10:48
Do you think Grace would like to go?
01:10:50
I'll bring her back by nine and pick up Eddie and Willie.
01:10:54
He added that his sister had lived at 137th in Columbus.
01:10:59
Speaker 2: I'm telling you you don't let a fucking stranger.
01:11:02
It just goes to what I'm telling you.
01:11:03
You don't let a fucking stranger.
01:11:04
It just goes to what I'm saying about this fucking era and time
01:11:07
.
01:11:07
Speaker 1: Mm-hmm.
01:11:08
So, mr and Mrs Budd, somewhat reluctantly, they agreed and
01:11:14
Grace was excited as she put on her fancy coat with fur trim.
01:11:17
That's so sad.
01:11:19
She was excited to go to this birthday party.
01:11:21
So her mother watched as she walked out the door down the
01:11:24
sidewalk with the old man not knowing that it would be the
01:11:28
last time she would ever see her daughter.
01:11:30
When Grace failed to return by the night, the Buds notified the
01:11:34
police the following morning.
01:11:35
The following morning I'd be like she's been gone for three
01:11:40
hours, yeah Fuck.
01:11:41
The police were immediately suspicious when they heard the
01:11:45
address that Mr Howard had given them.
01:11:47
They were like Columbus that ends at 110th, 110th Street, not
01:11:53
137th Street, you know, or whatever it was.
01:11:55
So they also quickly learned that there was no such person
01:12:00
named Frank Howard that matched the description.
01:12:03
So Mr Budd recalled that the stranger had taken the
01:12:07
handwritten telegram with him, which would provide police with
01:12:10
their first clue.
01:12:11
They managed to track down the telegram office at which he had
01:12:15
sent it in Harlem and found the original handwritten copy with
01:12:18
his writing.
01:12:19
Speaker 2: I'm actually surprised.
01:12:20
I didn't know how telegrams work.
01:12:21
I didn't know that they kept copies.
01:12:24
I didn't like I didn't know there would be a paper trail for
01:12:26
that.
01:12:26
I thought it would just be sent and then that was it.
01:12:30
Fill it out and send it, yeah.
01:12:31
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's interesting.
01:12:33
Now, in the meantime, hysteria broke out in the city again,
01:12:45
with numerous gray man sightings .
01:12:45
Three men were falsely identified as Grace's kidnapper,
01:12:46
and one was actually set to go to trial when Mrs Budd retracted
01:12:47
her identification at the last minute.
01:12:47
That's not him, okay.
01:12:49
All had grown quiet, and Albert married again briefly in 1930.
01:12:55
This time his bride was Estella Wilcox, a divorcee with
01:12:59
children.
01:13:00
This marriage only lasted a few weeks, though, because Albert,
01:13:03
he scared his children with his hands.
01:13:05
Yeah, can you burn my?
01:13:06
butthole yeah they don't like stuffing cotton in people's
01:13:09
assholes.
01:13:09
Speaker 2: What the Dude?
01:13:10
What is it?
01:13:11
What a lunatic.
01:13:13
Speaker 1: So Albert Fish was arrested again in 1934, but not
01:13:16
for murder.
01:13:17
It seems that he started his habit of writing obscene letters
01:13:20
to women again.
01:13:21
His ploy was to select a target , write a slightly suggestive
01:13:28
letter you know, just a little hint of sexuality there, yep and
01:13:30
if she responded then he would send increasingly more sexual
01:13:34
and disgusting missives.
01:13:35
The typical theme of these letters was that he had a young
01:13:40
son who was well-built but mentally handicapped and in need
01:13:43
of discipline.
01:13:44
What, yeah?
01:13:45
He spent the rest of the letter explaining to the recipient in
01:13:48
graphic detail what care the boy needed, focusing on spanking
01:13:54
him and attending to his bathroom.
01:13:55
Needs Like shitting on him or something I don't know.
01:13:59
Unfortunately for Albert, one of these recipients turned the
01:14:02
letters into the police, who then appeared at his rooming
01:14:05
house with a warrant.
01:14:06
Upon searching his room, they found more letters, a homemade
01:14:09
whip and a fetid hot dog and carrot which he had been
01:14:14
pleasuring himself with.
01:14:16
Speaker 2: And for those who so wait, wait, wait question.
01:14:17
Fetid means what I had to google this Because I don't know
01:14:23
what fetid means.
01:14:24
Speaker 1: Fetid means that it Fucking stunk to holy fucking
01:14:27
hell.
01:14:27
So it was shit.
01:14:28
It was like fucking stank ass, fucking Disgusting shit.
01:14:34
Yeah, fetid, you know what's wild too.
01:14:41
Speaker 2: I guarantee you, outside of people that listen to
01:14:44
these podcasts and deep dive into the true crime world, not a
01:14:49
lot of people know who Albert Fish is.
01:14:50
And I, like we're taking this lightly because we have to,
01:14:54
because we can't take it serious .
01:14:55
Speaker 1: I fucking hate doing episodes about children.
01:14:58
Speaker 2: Fucking hate it so that's why we're drinking
01:14:59
heavily on this episode.
01:15:01
If anybody can't tell, we're drinking heavily on this episode
01:15:04
and we're just trying to like yeah, we're trying to breeze
01:15:06
through it, basically right yeah , but the fact that this guy is
01:15:10
not a bigger name in like, yeah, in that that true crime world
01:15:16
blows my mind.
01:15:17
Yeah, because I guarantee you, if I asked my, my mom, my mom,
01:15:20
do you know who albert is?
01:15:21
She would have no clue.
01:15:22
You know what I mean Someone who's not in that world?
01:15:26
Yeah, but she would know who you know, Ted.
01:15:28
Bundy Dahmer she would know who those guys are, but like this
01:15:32
has got to be one of the most twisted and sadistic and just
01:15:36
ruthless killers of all time, yeah, of all time.
01:15:39
It's interesting how society kind of, just when something's
01:15:45
so crazy at the time, they just pretend like it never happened,
01:15:48
correct.
01:15:49
You know what I'm trying to say I feel like this is one of them
01:15:52
Back in the early 20s.
01:15:54
We're just going to pretend like this never happened.
01:15:57
It doesn't exist.
01:15:58
It's interesting to me.
01:16:01
It's a weird dynamic.
01:16:02
Speaker 1: As bad as this episode is, it's going to get
01:16:08
worse.
01:16:08
Yeah, yeah, and we're just going to push through it.
01:16:12
All right.
01:16:13
So Albert Fish.
01:16:15
He was committed to Bellevue Psychiatric Hospital for 30 days
01:16:19
because they found the fucking hot dog that stunk the fucking
01:16:23
holy hell.
01:16:24
It was there that he was determined to have manifested
01:16:28
sexual perversion from an early life.
01:16:30
He was released 30 days later to the custody of his daughter,
01:16:34
Anna.
01:16:35
Well, there you go.
01:16:36
In 1830, in 1934, Albert Jr witnessed his father awaken from
01:16:43
nightmares, sweating and gasping.
01:16:45
Sometimes he heard the name Grace mumbled.
01:16:49
Ooh, shivers, yeah.
01:16:50
To calm himself down, Albert would shove needles into his
01:16:55
skin.
01:16:55
Speaker 2: Oh dude sadism to the T.
01:16:59
Speaker 1: Detective William King of the NYPD was still
01:17:02
obsessively searching for grace bud, and from time to time he
01:17:05
planted stories in the newspaper about her thinking that her
01:17:08
kidnapper was following the news and hoping to elicit some
01:17:12
action on his part.
01:17:13
And guess what?
01:17:14
It fucking worked?
01:17:16
Yeah, all right.
01:17:17
In 1934, mrs bud received a letter from the kidnapper and
01:17:22
since she couldn't read, edward read it first.
01:17:24
Then he ran to give it to Detective King.
01:17:27
In the letter, which has become infamous, the kidnapper stated
01:17:32
that a friend of his visited China where eating children had
01:17:36
become popular.
01:17:37
After discussing this in some detail, the writer said that he
01:17:41
had decided to try eating children himself, and he
01:17:44
recalled the day he had visited the Buds and wrote this is to
01:17:48
the mother.
01:17:50
Grace sat in my lap and kissed me.
01:17:52
I made up my mind in that moment to eat her.
01:17:55
I took her to an empty house in Westchester.
01:17:59
I had already picked out.
01:18:01
When we got there, I told her to remain outside in Westchester
01:18:04
.
01:18:04
I had already picked out.
01:18:05
When we got there, I told her to remain outside.
01:18:08
She picked wildflowers.
01:18:09
I went upstairs and stripped all my clothes off.
01:18:10
I knew if I did not I would get her blood on them.
01:18:11
When all was ready, I went to the window and called her.
01:18:15
Then I hid in the closet until she was in the room.
01:18:18
When she saw me all naked she began to cry and tried to run
01:18:22
down the stairs.
01:18:23
I grabbed her and she said she would tell her mama.
01:18:25
First I stripped her naked how she did kick and bite and
01:18:31
scratch.
01:18:31
I choked her to death, then cut her in small pieces so I could
01:18:35
take the meat to the rooms and cook and eat it.
01:18:37
How sweet and tender her little ass was roasted in the oven and
01:18:40
eat it.
01:18:40
How sweet and tender her little ass was roasted in the oven.
01:18:42
It took me nine days to eat her entire body.
01:18:45
I did not fuck her, though I could have if I wished.
01:18:50
She died a virgin.
01:18:52
This is to the mother of this child.
01:18:56
Speaker 2: Oof.
01:18:59
Speaker 1: Imagine reading that fucking letter.
01:19:07
Speaker 2: And you allowed your daughter to leave with this man.
01:19:08
My mind went somewhere else.
01:19:09
What I went real dark like I want to fucking murder everybody
01:19:11
, dude.
01:19:11
My mind went somewhere real dark right there and that, yeah,
01:19:14
and like it's, it's the tone, it's the way he's like
01:19:17
describing matter of factly yeah , yeah it's, it's that.
01:19:21
That's what really annoys me about that, that whole letter.
01:19:23
Speaker 1: How sweet like he thinks.
01:19:25
Like he thinks he's the man when he's taking when he's
01:19:28
saying it.
01:19:29
Speaker 2: That's the shit that like.
01:19:30
I wish I found out where you were, yeah so, detective king.
01:19:34
Speaker 1: He noticed an emblem on the back of the envelope with
01:19:37
the initials nyp cba.
01:19:39
He figured out that it stood for New York Private Chauffeurs
01:19:44
Benevolent Association and paid their office a visit there.
01:19:48
He found that one member had taken some of the stationery to
01:19:51
his former rooming house at 200 East 52nd Street.
01:19:54
King went immediately to this address where the landlady, mrs
01:19:58
Schneider, identified a drawing of Frank Howard as a sometime
01:20:03
tenant of hers named Albert Fish .
01:20:05
She promised to call Detective King the next time he appeared.
01:20:10
On December 13th 1934, mrs Schneider called Detective King
01:20:14
to inform him that Albert Fish had just arrived at her boarding
01:20:17
house.
01:20:17
King rushed to the residence where he found his query sitting
01:20:22
at a table drinking tea.
01:20:23
Albert fish, he asked.
01:20:25
Fish nodded and stood.
01:20:27
However, as soon as king approached him, fish whipped out
01:20:32
a razor blade from his pocket.
01:20:33
The old man was no match for king, because he's like fucking
01:20:38
90 by now.
01:20:39
Uh who swiftly disarmed him and handcuffed him.
01:20:42
I got you now, he said triumphantly At police
01:20:46
headquarters.
01:20:46
Fish quickly started talking.
01:20:48
All right, he said, I'll tell you all about it.
01:20:50
I'm the man you want.
01:20:52
I took Grace Budd from her home on the third day of June.
01:20:55
I brought her to Westchester and killed her that same
01:20:58
afternoon.
01:20:59
When asked why he simply shrugged Fish, explained that
01:21:02
after taking.
01:21:02
When asked why he simply shrugged Fish, explained that
01:21:04
after taking Grace from the apartment, they boarded the
01:21:06
train with a one-way ticket for Grace to Westchester, 23 miles
01:21:10
away from the city.
01:21:11
Speaker 2: Oh, that's such an eerie fact, dude.
01:21:13
The way you just included that really just got me.
01:21:17
The one-way ticket Got me.
01:21:20
Speaker 1: So he undressed himself and unwrapped his
01:21:22
implements of hell A meat cleaver, a butcher knife and a
01:21:25
small hacksaw.
01:21:26
When Grace entered, holding a bouquet of wildflowers she had
01:21:30
picked, he jumped out naked and the little girl screamed,
01:21:33
dropped the flowers and began to run.
01:21:35
Fish grabbed her by the throat and then he knelt on her chest
01:21:38
while he strangled her.
01:21:39
He decapitated her with his knife, letting her blood drain
01:21:44
out into an empty paint can.
01:21:45
When the can was full, he tried to drink the blood but choked
01:21:48
on it.
01:21:49
Albert had finally found a behavior that was too disgusting
01:21:53
even for him.
01:21:54
He then dismembered Grace and filleted her flesh in order to
01:22:00
cook and eat her.
01:22:00
When asked again why he had killed Grace, fish said you know
01:22:05
, I could not account for it.
01:22:09
By this time, word of the capture of the Gray man had
01:22:11
spread and everybody wanted to know more about this mysterious
01:22:14
figure.
01:22:14
The press had a field day dubbing him such colorful names
01:22:18
as the Werewolf of Wisteria, the Vampire of Brooklyn and the
01:22:22
Moon Maniac.
01:22:22
Over the next few days, the scene of Wisteria Cottage was
01:22:26
circus-like, with police, medical examiners, press and
01:22:29
onlookers.
01:22:30
Grace's skeletalized remains were dug up and placed in a box.
01:22:34
While in jail, fish complained of pain when he sat and
01:22:39
conjectured that it must be related to the needles he had
01:22:41
stuck in his body.
01:22:42
An x-ray was taken and, sure enough, 29 needles were found
01:22:47
deep inside his pelvic region.
01:22:49
He has literally become a human pincushion.
01:22:54
When Fish went to trial, his defense was, not surprisingly,
01:22:57
not guilty by reason of insanity .
01:22:59
There were two whole days of psychiatric testimony during
01:23:04
which one of the psychiatrists said there is no known
01:23:06
perversion, that he did not practice and practiced
01:23:08
frequently.
01:23:09
The defense introduced the idea that he was suffering from lead
01:23:13
colic, a form of dementia caused by inhaling lead paint
01:23:16
from his years working as a painter.
01:23:18
Could, could not be.
01:23:21
I mean, you know what I mean Lead paint has been known to
01:23:25
fuck somebody up, Fuck somebody
01:23:27
Speaker 2: like psychotically up .
01:23:28
There is proof of that.
01:23:30
Speaker 1: Yep.
01:23:30
So after deliberating for only six hours, the jury came back
01:23:34
and said go fuck yourself and your fetid hot dog and fucking
01:23:37
Albert Fish.
01:23:38
Speaker 2: Don't get me wrong.
01:23:39
He deserves everything that my lawyer got, and actually he
01:23:41
deserves more, but you know, mm-hmm, yep, you're fucking
01:23:45
guilty.
01:23:46
Speaker 1: So take your hot dog and shove it up your fucking ass
01:23:48
where you like it.
01:23:48
They later said that while they all believed him to be insane,
01:23:53
they thought he should go to electric chair anyway.
01:23:55
So fuck him, yep.
01:23:57
So Fish was executed in the electric chair at Sing Sing
01:24:01
Prison on the night of January 16th 1936.
01:24:04
His last meal was roast chicken that was fed to him by a prison
01:24:08
guard to avoid a suicide attempt, because a few months
01:24:12
earlier Fish had attempted to slit his wrist with the bone of
01:24:15
a T-bone steak, so they had to feed him.
01:24:18
He wasn't allowed to feed himself.
01:24:20
Speaker 2: Oh, he was really not trying to go out by them.
01:24:23
Speaker 1: Yeah, yep.
01:24:23
So on the way to the electric chair, fish told the guards with
01:24:26
great anticipation It'll be the supreme thrill one that I
01:24:31
haven't tried, being electrocuted.
01:24:33
After he was strapped in the chair, he was given a chance to
01:24:37
say his last words, to which he stated I don't even know why I'm
01:24:40
here, fucking nut job.
01:24:41
Prior to his death, he gave a written statement to his
01:24:44
attorney who said I will never show it to anyone.
01:24:47
It was filled with the most filthy string of obscenities I
01:24:51
have ever read.
01:24:52
Speaker 2: That goes back to him writing those you know
01:24:56
obscenity like filled letters and all that stuff.
01:24:59
Speaker 1: Like I Filled letters and all that stuff.
01:25:00
Speaker 2: I guarantee you that was probably one of the grossest
01:25:02
things humanity has ever published.
01:25:06
Writing.
01:25:07
Speaker 1: The depth of his dark , fucking sadistic mind.
01:25:09
He probably just went all out.
01:25:12
Speaker 2: And I applaud the attorney for doing that.
01:25:17
Speaker 1: So you applauded his defense attorney.
01:25:18
Yes, wow.
01:25:19
Speaker 2: Yes, Good job, Gary.
01:25:21
I applaud his defense attorney for saying I Wow.
01:25:22
Good job, Gary.
01:25:23
I applaud his defense attorney for saying I will never show
01:25:26
this to anyone.
01:25:26
It's just that bad and it probably was mocking the
01:25:31
families and all.
01:25:35
Speaker 1: In trying to explain himself, fish said I always had
01:25:38
a desire to inflict pain on others and to have others
01:25:41
inflict pain on me.
01:25:42
The desire to inflict pain others and to have others
01:25:46
inflict pain on me, the desire to inflict pain, that is all
01:25:49
that is uppermost.
01:25:49
So that's that for Albert Fish.
01:25:51
So thank you again to Debbie from True Crime University for
01:25:54
writing the story Before we jump into Dear Douchebags.
01:25:57
What do you think of the story, garrett?
01:25:58
Speaker 2: Oh, dude, I just I'm glad we got through it.
01:26:03
I even said you said it and I said it and I was like Albert
01:26:06
Fish is a good one to do, but it's.
01:26:09
It's one of those ones.
01:26:09
Obviously, everybody who's listened to the podcast for a
01:26:12
while understands that we don't do well with with kid ones With
01:26:15
kid ones.
01:26:16
Speaker 1: So I think we did.
01:26:18
Yeah, we got some liquor, got us through it Libations.
01:26:23
Yeah, we got to remember that for next time.
01:26:24
Next time we do a kid one, we got to have a lot of libations
01:26:27
to get through it, because that was, yeah, especially the Grace
01:26:31
Budd part of it.
01:26:32
Speaker 2: Yeah, the wildflowers gets me every time.
01:26:35
Yeah, the fucking.
01:26:36
I hate it Like to be this innocent little girl, especially
01:26:39
anybody who has like little.
01:26:40
Anyone who's had a daughter in their life, too, understands
01:26:44
that.
01:26:44
Speaker 1: Like she probably just walked in like oh look at
01:26:46
the flowers I picked, yeah, and here comes this dude.
01:26:48
Oh, I'm gonna fucking kill you.
01:26:49
Speaker 2: I'm a fucking weirdo.
01:26:50
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's just one of those things.
01:26:52
Yep, alright, so head on over to Spotify and GoodPause and
01:26:56
tell us what you thought of the fucking episode and the worst
01:27:00
person in the world, the worst person in the world.
01:27:05
So now it's time for another installment of Dear Douchebags,
01:27:06
where you send in what is troubling you and we give you
01:27:08
our best advice on how to handle it, which is probably the worst
01:27:11
advice you'll probably ever receive.
01:27:13
Alright, we have two requests.
01:27:15
Which is shocking that two people want to hear our advice,
01:27:18
but here we go.
01:27:19
So first up is Annoyed in Marriage.
01:27:22
Speaker 2: Whoa advice, but here we go.
01:27:22
So first up is annoyed in marriage, whoa yeah.
01:27:23
No, I can't do this yeah no, yeah.
01:27:25
Speaker 1: So oh, here we go.
01:27:26
We got like a single guy and a married guy, yeah, yeah.
01:27:28
So annoyed writes hello douchebags, hello annoyed.
01:27:32
I am one of your older fans.
01:27:34
My husband is now 70 years old and he's and he's even more
01:27:39
boring and annoying than he was 42 years ago when I met him.
01:27:42
Is it okay to throw a pillow over his mouth and nose when he
01:27:47
sleeps while I'm trying to talk to him?
01:27:49
Then I could just use his body as an armrest.
01:27:53
Speaker 2: Oh my.
01:27:53
Speaker 1: Who the fuck sent this in?
01:27:54
Any suggestions are welcome.
01:27:58
Speaker 2: Wait, go back up.
01:27:59
Speaker 1: Who was the?
01:27:59
Speaker 2: what was her name?
01:27:59
Or his name, his name?
01:28:00
Just annoyed, yeah, annoyed, back up who was the?
01:28:01
What was her name?
01:28:01
Speaker 1: Or his name.
01:28:02
His name Just annoyed.
01:28:03
Yeah, annoyed in marriage, Okay annoyed in marriage.
01:28:06
Yeah, so basically like when she's trying to talk to him
01:28:09
about things, he just falls asleep while in the middle of
01:28:12
her talking to him he's just like.
01:28:14
Speaker 2: He's even more boring and annoying than he was 42
01:28:17
years ago Wow, I wonder if annoyed in marriage is actually
01:28:20
Jill Biden.
01:28:21
All right, all right Go ahead At 70 years old.
01:28:31
Yeah, I need to know how long they were actually married for.
01:28:34
Speaker 1: Well, they met for 42 years ago.
01:28:35
42 years ago yeah, 42 years that is more boring and annoying
01:28:39
now.
01:28:39
Years that is more boring and annoying now.
01:28:43
Speaker 2: But but is that just?
01:28:46
Is that just age catching up to you?
01:28:49
That's a long time to be married to somebody.
01:28:51
That is an incredibly long time and you have to give yourself
01:28:55
credit for that.
01:28:55
Yeah 42 years together is some serious dedication time
01:29:01
management.
01:29:02
Speaker 1: Yep, I've been through two marriages, and
01:29:06
neither of them lasted more than seven years.
01:29:08
Speaker 2: Exactly 42 years.
01:29:09
Give yourself credit for that, and even if he's boring, you
01:29:13
still lasted 42 years together.
01:29:15
Speaker 1: You know what Annoyed .
01:29:16
I think that you are a saint for going that long, correct.
01:29:20
But the question is, should she throw a pillow over his face?
01:29:25
No, what?
01:29:27
Speaker 2: No, you don't kill your husband of 42 years.
01:29:30
Speaker 1: No, you don't kill him.
01:29:31
It takes a long time to kill somebody that way.
01:29:34
Just knock him out.
01:29:35
No, no, have him wake up a couple hours later like what the
01:29:39
fuck happened.
01:29:40
It's like the thrill of like I could.
01:29:44
Speaker 2: I could do it, but I didn't do it.
01:29:45
I think you really got to step back.
01:29:47
I'm giving honest advice here.
01:29:49
Speaker 1: You're joking.
01:29:49
You're joking over here.
01:29:50
No, I'm serious.
01:29:52
Speaker 2: I think you need to accept the good things let go of
01:29:57
the bad things and just realize , hey, we made it 42 years, it
01:30:01
obviously wasn't that bad.
01:30:03
You might be joking a little bit sending into the podcast,
01:30:07
but if you lasted 42 years it wasn't horrible.
01:30:10
There's something holding you guys together.
01:30:15
Speaker 1: Spice it up too.
01:30:16
I can see that.
01:30:16
Speaker 2: Spice it up.
01:30:17
Tell them to fucking.
01:30:18
How are you going to spice it up with a 70-year-old?
01:30:19
Oh, a 70-year-old can throw on a G-string.
01:30:21
Fucking.
01:30:21
How are you gonna spice it up with a 70 year old?
01:30:23
Oh, a 70 year old can throw on a g-string.
01:30:23
Wait at the top of the stairs for the bouquet of flowers, like
01:30:24
I mean albert fish's father was 75 when he was exactly.
01:30:31
You can still have kids, according to albert fish.
01:30:33
So yeah, uh, the way I look at it, it's 42 years it's 42 years
01:30:38
that you wasted, oh no here you are, 42 years later, you're
01:30:42
bored you're.
01:30:42
Speaker 1: Oh no, dave, here you are, 42 years later.
01:30:44
You're bored, you're fucking annoyed.
01:30:45
You're like what did I do with my fucking life?
01:30:47
You know, I don't know.
01:30:50
That's the way I would look at it.
01:30:51
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, I think that's a scorn versus a
01:30:57
better outlook, it's the scorn versus the look into some sort
01:31:05
of light.
01:31:07
Speaker 1: I don't know.
01:31:07
Try the pillow, see if the pillow works.
01:31:12
What's the saying?
01:31:15
If at first you don't succeed, it's only attempted murder.
01:31:17
Speaker 2: It's only attempted murder.
01:31:18
You can go find the criminal AF merch.
01:31:19
That's it.
01:31:19
Find that t-shirt and the hoodie in the merch shop.
01:31:21
It's only attempted murder.
01:31:22
Speaker 1: Yeah, and you can go find the criminal AF merch.
01:31:23
That's it.
01:31:24
Find that t-shirt and the hoodie on the merch shop.
01:31:26
Speaker 2: If anybody doesn't tell you, I'm proud of you for
01:31:28
sticking it out 42 years, that's a big accomplishment.
01:31:31
Speaker 1: Look at it like that Yep, even if you settled.
01:31:34
Yeah, even though you wasted 42 years of your life.
01:31:37
I don't know if you're able to keep that one in.
01:31:44
Speaker 2: Maybe not 42 years.
01:31:44
Maybe half of that you wasted.
01:31:45
Everybody gets like that, though.
01:31:46
You become roommates when you're 60, 70 years old.
01:31:51
Speaker 1: You're just hanging out.
01:31:52
I don't know.
01:31:53
Some people still got a little spice.
01:31:55
They want a little spice in their life.
01:32:00
Speaker 2: It's on both people to keep that going.
01:32:01
Speaker 1: I get that but he falls asleep.
01:32:01
He's falling asleep.
01:32:03
Speaker 2: He's an old man, I fall asleep too.
01:32:05
Speaker 1: She's probably like hey, honey, can we get a little
01:32:08
action?
01:32:08
He's, like you know, just fucking falls asleep.
01:32:12
So I don't know, try the pillow , see what happens.
01:32:14
So there you go, there you go, Annoyed in marriage, how's that
01:32:20
Annoyed in marriage, all right.
01:32:22
Yeah, all right.
01:32:25
Speaker 2: Next up, we have Naughty in Neverland Naughty in
01:32:28
Neverland is probably the best Patreon name, whatever we've
01:32:33
heard Naughty in Neverland.
01:32:34
Speaker 1: Yep, all right.
01:32:37
Speaker 2: I need some bad advice, especially for the
01:32:38
Albert Fish fucking episode.
01:32:39
Come on.
01:32:43
Speaker 1: I need some bad advice there, douchebags.
01:32:46
I've been talking with a friend quote unquote late at night.
01:32:48
Oh no, we've only met once in real life and that meeting, you
01:32:54
know it, was harmless.
01:32:54
But lately we've become a little bit more flirtatious and
01:33:00
there may or may not have been some topless pics that were sent
01:33:04
.
01:33:04
Okay, side note, I also may be married, dying to know what you
01:33:12
guys think.
01:33:13
Speaker 2: What are we just marriage counselors here?
01:33:16
Speaker 1: I guess we're working on marriages here, I guess, so
01:33:18
I don't know.
01:33:19
Speaker 2: All right.
01:33:19
So you sent nudie pictures?
01:33:21
Speaker 1: Well, not well, is this what she's saying?
01:33:23
Yeah, I sent topless pics.
01:33:25
Speaker 2: I sent topless pics and was flirting with somebody
01:33:29
that I met once.
01:33:32
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I would imagine they've been talking I
01:33:35
don't know.
01:33:35
Yeah, obviously, they met up in person once, it was harmless,
01:33:41
and then they've been more flirtation on the phone just
01:33:43
like a normal relationship starts um, like they met I don't
01:33:46
know, there's so much they met and maybe one of them hit the
01:33:48
other one up on facebook or something.
01:33:50
Speaker 2: Yeah I don't know.
01:33:51
I think it's.
01:33:51
I think there's a lot of unanswered questions here that
01:33:55
we have to.
01:33:55
We have to know the information before is is there her marriage
01:33:58
going well?
01:33:59
Is she happily married?
01:34:01
Is she just looking for some excitement, A little spice?
01:34:03
Yeah, Like what are we talking here?
01:34:06
Speaker 1: How far is it going to go?
01:34:07
Yeah, you know what I mean.
01:34:08
Like, are you joking?
01:34:09
Speaker 2: Are you just sending topless pictures to like feel
01:34:11
alive again?
01:34:12
Speaker 1: Right.
01:34:13
Speaker 2: There's so much unknown in this question.
01:34:14
There is yeah, it's still wrong , still wrong, still wrong,
01:34:24
wrong, still wrong, still wrong, still wrong.
01:34:25
Speaker 1: Okay, you're still married, you're still sending
01:34:27
topless pictures, you're still flirting yeah, better than a
01:34:29
hoot shot, but yeah don't, yeah, don't, don't send the, but I I
01:34:32
would need to know more to actually really answer this
01:34:35
question yeah, well, hypothetically speaking, healthy
01:34:38
marriage healthy marriage.
01:34:40
Speaker 2: Okay, okay, healthy marriage you guys are good
01:34:42
you're loving, you're still having sex.
01:34:43
Speaker 1: You got yeah okay and things are great and you're
01:34:48
doing this.
01:34:48
I don't know.
01:34:49
I would probably be pissed if I was the husband.
01:34:52
I would be too.
01:34:53
I'd be if I found out about it.
01:34:54
Speaker 2: I'd be fucking livid I, oh I would be livid
01:34:57
regardless, even if we weren't doing well.
01:34:59
Um, all right, so okay, now let's go to that you're not
01:35:01
doing well.
01:35:01
Speaker 1: You weren't doing well, all right, so okay, now
01:35:02
let's go to that.
01:35:03
You're not doing well, you're not doing well, yeah.
01:35:07
Speaker 2: I don't know.
01:35:08
Speaker 1: What if it's?
01:35:08
I'm just throwing out fucking hypotheticals here.
01:35:10
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:35:11
Speaker 1: What if it's like you said you just become friends.
01:35:16
By that time you know Like you're married, but it's just
01:35:23
like we're just friends basically and you're not getting
01:35:25
that fucking spice.
01:35:25
You need a little spice somewhere else.
01:35:28
Do you just go ahead and just fucking, or do you?
01:35:31
You handle your fucking marriage first?
01:35:36
Speaker 2: I think a lot of the problems that comes down to that
01:35:37
is communication because, I always think there's one partner
01:35:40
in the dust left out to the wind.
01:35:44
Speaker 1: On the outside looking in.
01:35:45
On the outside looking in.
01:35:46
Speaker 2: He thinks that everything's fine or she thinks
01:35:48
that everything's fine and the other one says, nope, I've been
01:35:51
unhappy for years.
01:35:51
You never which has happened to me?
01:35:54
The communication was never there.
01:35:58
Speaker 1: Right.
01:35:59
Speaker 2: You guys weren't communicated in the beginning?
01:36:01
Yeah, and that's the sign of the downward spiral of the
01:36:03
marriage, not just the fact that she's flirting with other other
01:36:06
dudes, sending pictures, whatever the fuck this one was.
01:36:08
So I think that even though you say, oh, it's happily if, if
01:36:12
somebody's doing that, it's not, there's something, there's some
01:36:15
sort of problem there, yeah.
01:36:17
So what I would say in this question is figure out what that
01:36:20
problem is.
01:36:22
Speaker 1: Talk Communicate.
01:36:25
Speaker 2: Figure it out, say what's wrong, say what's on your
01:36:27
mind, and even if you have to tell them what you've been doing
01:36:30
, you do it.
01:36:32
Speaker 1: Kind of like hey, this is what's happening in our
01:36:34
marriage.
01:36:35
Yes, Obviously this is an issue .
01:36:39
We need to correct it.
01:36:40
I've actually fucking been sending fucking tits to another
01:36:45
fucking person, Sure.
01:36:48
Speaker 2: As long as even if it's super shocking, as long as
01:36:50
it gets the conversation going, the only way you're going to
01:36:53
solve something is if you talk about it.
01:36:55
That's the biggest problem with marriages in today's world.
01:36:59
Speaker 1: No communication.
01:37:00
Speaker 2: You just break down.
01:37:00
You're not the same people that you were when you got married
01:37:01
at the no communication.
01:37:02
You just break down.
01:37:02
You're not the same people that you were when you got married
01:37:04
at the beginning.
01:37:04
Right, you become standoffish, you do your own thing and you
01:37:07
don't just talk, yeah, and don't be sending fucking tits, and
01:37:12
don't yeah.
01:37:13
Talk first, then send tits.
01:37:15
Talk it out If it doesn't work, and then it doesn.
01:37:17
Speaker 1: Send as many tits as you want.
01:37:18
Send your tits, yeah, but talk about it first Figure it out.
01:37:21
Speaker 2: Figure out your problems.
01:37:22
I don't know.
01:37:24
Communication.
01:37:24
Speaker 1: I just I must.
01:37:25
Speaker 2: I'm a huge like communication guy.
01:37:28
I agree, I agree Communication, talk, communication, it doesn't
01:37:31
matter if it's going to be an awkward conversation, she's
01:37:33
going to get mad, whatever, just talk about it.
01:37:37
Yep, if we don't talk about it, I'm telling you guys, guys,
01:37:40
listen, guys out there listening , you bring that up.
01:37:43
Well, if we don't talk about it , it'll never get resolved.
01:37:46
It'll instantly get refreshed, even if it's a touchy subject.
01:37:51
She'll be happy that you actually at least came to her.
01:37:55
Speaker 1: Works.
01:37:55
I'm telling you, I've done that in the past.
01:37:57
Speaker 2: I'm telling you I've done it in a relationship where
01:38:05
I'm like, hey, this is not working out.
01:38:05
Even if she gets mad about it, it's better to talk about it.
01:38:06
Speaker 1: This is not working out the way that I would want
01:38:08
our relationship to be working out, and this is where I'm
01:38:12
standing at this moment.
01:38:13
There may or may not be somebody else who is showing me
01:38:18
interest.
01:38:18
I do not want to reciprocate, however, because I love you.
01:38:22
I'm having fun, however because I love you, I'm having fun.
01:38:24
However, if I don't feel that from you anymore, obviously,
01:38:29
then what are we doing here, yep ?
01:38:32
Speaker 2: Actually, truthfully, this can actually be good for
01:38:36
you because it can steer you in the direction that you want to
01:38:39
go in the rest of your life.
01:38:40
You don't want to waste your time.
01:38:41
If you're not happy, don't be happy.
01:38:43
Explain why you're not happy.
01:38:45
That's all I got to say.
01:38:46
Yeah.
01:38:46
Speaker 1: Don't just keep it fucking bottled in Fucking Dr
01:38:49
Garrett, don't just keep it bottled in.
01:38:51
Speaker 2: I'm just saying Don't keep it bottled in.
01:38:52
Yeah, just explain always gonna end, it's gonna end bad.
01:39:03
Yeah, so eventually, even if it starts to fight today, yeah,
01:39:05
get the fight done today and figure out the problem now.
01:39:06
Then go down 10 years down the road and then have a shitty
01:39:09
fucking ending to your relationship.
01:39:12
Speaker 1: Yeah it's not worth it.
01:39:15
Speaker 2: Get the fight done now.
01:39:16
Fight now.
01:39:16
Get the fuck up in someone's fucking fight.
01:39:21
I'm just kidding.
01:39:24
Speaker 1: I love you all, yeah garrett, I'm, I'm, I'm impressed
01:39:27
with you.
01:39:28
I like that.
01:39:28
Okay, that was good true words 10 years, by the way.
01:39:32
Speaker 2: 10 years married.
01:39:33
10 years married at 32 not bad not bad not bad, not saying I'm
01:39:37
an expert, I'm not I have no clue.
01:39:39
Speaker 1: I have no clue what I'm doing.
01:39:40
I'm not actually no clue what I'm doing.
01:39:42
Speaker 2: I'm not an expert.
01:39:43
No clue what I'm doing, but it works out, but it works out.
01:39:45
Speaker 1: Yeah, but I would have to say like, for example,
01:39:47
your marriage with Kelly, Like both of you.
01:39:52
Speaker 2: Oh, we fight like hell.
01:39:53
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like a loving fight, but you, we
01:39:57
communicate you communicate, communicate, correct Yep.
01:39:58
Speaker 2: I'm telling you 100%, it's the biggest fucking thing,
01:40:01
yep.
01:40:01
Communication's huge.
01:40:04
Speaker 1: And by that it puts you both on the same fucking
01:40:07
page.
01:40:07
You both know what is expected of each other.
01:40:10
You know exactly.
01:40:11
Speaker 2: And when we're fucking up, we know we're
01:40:13
fucking up.
01:40:13
Right, Even if we fuck up, we're like hey, I fucked up.
01:40:17
Speaker 1: Yep, so Yep, so yeah, wow, garren, I really am, I'm
01:40:21
impressed, that's good so keep sending them titty pictures I'm
01:40:27
just kidding.
01:40:28
I'm just kidding.
01:40:29
Figure it out first yes, and then keep sending them, that's
01:40:32
right if it's, if it doesn't go anywhere, send the titties, send
01:40:35
the titties whatever.
01:40:36
Speaker 2: At least you tried you have to try the true, the
01:40:39
true crime.
01:40:39
Douchebags send the tits.
01:40:40
Speaker 1: Yeah, send the titties.
01:40:41
I mean, I'm not going to say no to titties if anybody wants to
01:40:43
send them, but hey, whatever, all right.
01:40:46
So that'll do it for this episode of Ham and Eggs Fucking
01:40:52
Fish by Criminal AF.
01:40:54
Let us know what you thought of this episode.
01:40:56
Like I said before, go to Good Pods, spotify or leave a review
01:40:59
on Apple Podcasts, and thank you all for hanging out with us
01:41:03
today.
01:41:03
Thank you, head on over to criminalassfuckcom to ask us
01:41:05
anything you'd like via our mail call tab or, as we just did.
01:41:09
You want our shitty advice?
01:41:10
Go hit us up on our Dear Douchebags tab.
01:41:13
Now, signing off from Studio Chloroform, keep your head on a
01:41:17
swivel and stay safe till next time.
01:41:19
See ya, now give me our theme music.
01:41:27
Executive producers for this episode are Christine Rivera,
01:41:30
beth Davis, dusty J Hicks and Terry Burke.
01:41:33
Mullen.
01:41:33
Associate producers are Paul Hodge, tara Mazur, chantel
01:41:37
Daggett, jay from Fright Flick FMK, cherise Webb, corey Cribs,
01:41:41
donnie Blake and Jared Rhodes.
01:41:42
Producers are JD Trent Gobble, devin Dean, ashley O'Connor,
01:41:47
alyssa Porello, alicia Knight, maria Selene, chris Owen, not
01:41:51
that Chad, emily White, ian Turner, emily Dickendasher,
01:41:55
debbie from True Crime University, jeanette LeBlanc and
01:41:58
Rene Prada.
01:41:58
Intro and outro music by David Mercurio.
01:42:02
Be sure to follow Criminal AF on Instagram, tiktok, facebook
01:42:06
and YouTube.
01:42:06
Check out all of our merch and many other items at
01:42:10
debartsdesignscom.
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